July 31, 2000
You have the right to remain silent. Whatever you say may be used against you in a court of law. This is true--and a bit scary. Tempting though silence may be, most of the time, as a leader, it is more beneficial to say something that motivates, something that convinces, something that compels a worker to achieve results desired. In one-on-one interactions, that takes discipline and a little practice. Here are techniques of effective one-on-one interactions, including strategies to avoid common pitfalls. Listen For example, a lead programmer comes to you and says, "Look, I just now received these new specs, and they change the project scope so much that we will never be able to make the planned deadline!" What are the facts here? There are new specifications. The programmer just received them. The point that the team will not be able to make the deadline is a judgement at this time, which is still important. What are the emotions this worker is feeling? Frustration, fear, helplessness are all likely. Build Rapport Now go back to the lead programmer example. What would you say to build rapport in this situation? a. "It will be all right. We all have to work under the current constraints." Answer "c" satisfies the need for empathy and the need for fact-checking. It will build rapport so the rest of the interaction goes smoothly. Always avoid interaction-stifling generalizations by treating co-workers as individuals, not as a member of an age group, race or gender category. You show respect when you focus on the facts of the situation and the feelings of the individual. Keep your body language open and focused on the other person. Try to keep an "open face," with your eyebrows slightly raised. Little details like this communicate a lot and make your job easier. It works for politicians and news anchors! Process Effectively Once you realize the expected outcome, assess whether this moment is the correct time and place for the interaction. Reschedule if necessary. Use your time and the time of your co-worker wisely. Move if necessary. Too many conversations that should take place privately are held right at the intersection of two aisles of workstations. To get to the expected outcome as quickly as possible follow these pointers: Be more productive by avoiding excessive elaboration and discussion. Make sure both parties are clear and in agreement, then stop debate or discussion on that point. No more war stories, no more complaining. Do, however, say something positive about having come to any agreement. Back at the example with the lead programmer, you move the meeting to a private room immediately, because of the urgency of the situation. What would be your desired outcome of this interaction? a. A change to the planned deadline There is a common tendency of some managers to try to fix something right away, to recommend a solution on the spot. This looks great in war movies, but is not appropriate in today’s workplace. Answers "a" and "c" are tempting, but not correct. In fact, the desired outcome of this immediate interaction should be to allow the lead programmer to express the frustration and to assist in determining the next step. Emotions must be "processed" before concentration can be brought to problem-solving. This outcome should only take a few minutes to achieve, but in that time you have exhibited leadership by showing respect and listening. Any problem from this situation can be identified and resolved more effectively at another time with better planning. Conclude Positively One-on-one interactions can be stressful. They can even be unexpected. Yet with a little discipline and practice they can be highlights in your efforts to improve your "soft skills."
Many managers would be better listeners if they knew what to listen for. There are two major puzzle pieces that you must be able to pick out of any interaction. First, gather the facts. This may not be easy, because a worker may add a lot of editorial comment. Second, listen for feelings. When a worker brings you a problem or wants to talk to you about a situation, there are going to be emotions attached. While listening, state clearly to yourself the emotions being felt by the other party.
It is critical that you maintain trust and keep the other person confident to continue speaking openly. Show you care by stating the emotions that they are feeling. Summarize the facts as you know them. Ask the person if what you understand is correct. Prove that you understand their point of view.
b. "I’m sorry you are a bit helpless in this case, but I’m sure we can find extra programmers."
c. "This must be frustrating for you. Let me be sure I understand, these are new specs approved this week?"
Now that you have set the stage, it is time to make the interaction as productive as possible. As soon as you can, categorize the expected outcome. Is there a problem that must be solved? Do you simply need to provide information or give approval? Do you need to provide guidance? Do you need to collect information? You might have to ask outright if it is not clear.
b. An airing of the issue
c. An assessment of the revised specs
There is rarely enough positive reinforcement in the workplace. Motivate the other party by affirming your support for any agreements, decisions and follow-up.