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Topics: Change Management, Leadership
What if you are heartbroken?
In the last few weeks, a family member passed away and a friend's 8 year old daughter tragically died. I've continued to work and do my job, but my heart is broken. I don't think it has been obvious to anyone at work - the projects are on track and I've been able to talk about these deaths with special people in my life. I also have a very strong spiritual beliefs, but I am still so very sad especially for the family who lost their only child. Have you ever been heartbroken while doing your job? How do you cope?
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Jan 09, 2020 3:25 PM
Replying to Sergio Luis Conte
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Lot of times Lori, believe me. In fact, because my personal experiences, I start researching on this matter in 1986 and I have published articles due to this type of things are related to other things I am researching too (consciousness, quantum mechanics, physics and human behavor, genetic, neuroscience, etc). All my research is too far from pseudoscience just to be clear. Unfortunatelly I can not write here something related you ask because english is not my first language and there are some terms that need to be understanding very well, without ambiguity and I am not able to manage that in my basic english. I´m sorry. The only thing I can say is take care of yourself because the energy needs to manifest itself in one way or another and that changes our genetic program and can cause diseases. Good to read you are talking about that. My last comment: in the phase I understand you are please do not try to understand why? those things happened. It will be time from that in the future if you decide to do that.
Thank you, Sergio. I can feel your genuine care and concern in your words in spite of English not being your first language. I would like to learn more about what you are studying and very much appreciate that you took the time to respond to me today. Thank you!
Jan 09, 2020 4:24 PM
Replying to Stephen Beam
...
I am so very sorry for the losses shared by everyone on this post and I thank Lori for raising such an important topic.

It is refreshing to see a discussion on how our personal lives spill over into our professions. At times in my career I have felt some employers have preferred to keep the two separate but the reality is that every component of our life is intertwined.

This past October I lost my 13 month old son in his sleep. No health problems and the autopsy has shown no cause of death. For me coping has involved:

- Returning to familiar routines, places and people in small but increasing measures as quickly as possible (the "new normal").

- Joining a small men's group for support and encouragement

- Reading books and blogs about others who have experienced similar tragedies and understanding how they deal with the pain

- Crying about it: alone, with my wife, with close friends who understand

- Acknowledging the pain and senselessness of it all, and allowing myself whatever time is needed to heal. I am grateful for an employer who allowed unquestioned time to grieve with my family.

Personally, I can now empathize deeply with others who share the same experience. Professionally, it has further changed my perspective on what is truly important and the value of appropriate priorities in life. Project delays and scope changes seem much less stressful now.

Again, a welcome and meaningful post. Thank you.
Stephen, I cried reading your post. Oh, what tragedy! Thank you so much for being brave enough to share something so terribly personal and painful on this discussion board. I cannot even imagine your sorrow and loss. So much love is wrapped around a 13-month old little boy. I am so very, very sorry. It is hard when we grieve older people who have lived a long life, but when a life is cut short it is so hard. The father of the little girl who died is a carpenter and he built Ava Grace's coffin. At the funeral, they said some caskets are heavier than others - the little ones are the heaviest of all. I've been at my desk trying to work, but tears keep slipping down my cheeks. It made me wonder how others cope. Thank you for sharing what has helped you - I will cling to your list. I will also be praying for you and your wife and feel enormously honored you shared your story with me and others who may need help. Thank you
Jan 09, 2020 5:29 PM
Replying to Rami Kaibni
...
Lori

Sorry for your losses and to hear that you are going through this at the moment.

I hear you loud and clear. 2019 was in a way and on a personal level, a sad year for me but I've learned to be strong and learn that life goes on. It can be tough but we can do nothing about what we can't control.

I hope the coming days will be better days for you and your loved ones and I am here for your if you need any support or a friend to talk to.

Cheers
RK
Thank you, Rami. I remember when you traveled home to deal with loss. I am genuinely sorry that 2019 was a hard year for you, and I pray that 2020 will be one of rejoicing and celebration. Thank you for reaching out to me and for your support. I was embarrassed and hesitant to post this discussion, but now I am very grateful I did. Thank you!
...
1 reply by Rami Kaibni
Jan 09, 2020 6:16 PM
Rami Kaibni
...
Lori

What ... Embarrassed ? Don't that again please:

"WE ARE ONE BIG FAMILY HERE"

It takes lots of courage to write about your pain in public and you just demonstrated this kind of courage. You just have no idea how much as a person, I admire you.

It's true that I don't know you in person but as I mentioned on another thread and on my LinkedIn, some people, without meeting them in person, they do:

1)They touch you with their Soul
2)You see the good in their Heart
3)You feel the warmth of their Being
4)Support you when you need them
5)Change your life from bitter to better

This is you Lori, your words speak for you. You have a huge heart. Thank you for all your support and encouragement.

Stay Positive and Blessed !

RK
Jan 09, 2020 4:24 PM
Replying to Stephen Beam
...
I am so very sorry for the losses shared by everyone on this post and I thank Lori for raising such an important topic.

It is refreshing to see a discussion on how our personal lives spill over into our professions. At times in my career I have felt some employers have preferred to keep the two separate but the reality is that every component of our life is intertwined.

This past October I lost my 13 month old son in his sleep. No health problems and the autopsy has shown no cause of death. For me coping has involved:

- Returning to familiar routines, places and people in small but increasing measures as quickly as possible (the "new normal").

- Joining a small men's group for support and encouragement

- Reading books and blogs about others who have experienced similar tragedies and understanding how they deal with the pain

- Crying about it: alone, with my wife, with close friends who understand

- Acknowledging the pain and senselessness of it all, and allowing myself whatever time is needed to heal. I am grateful for an employer who allowed unquestioned time to grieve with my family.

Personally, I can now empathize deeply with others who share the same experience. Professionally, it has further changed my perspective on what is truly important and the value of appropriate priorities in life. Project delays and scope changes seem much less stressful now.

Again, a welcome and meaningful post. Thank you.
Stephen

Thank you for sharing your story. I am very sorry for your precious loss, please accept my sincere condolences.

It takes lots of courage to write about it, and you just demonstrated this. I know you do not know any of us maybe in person but sometimes strangers can help you heal too.

We are your family here too Stephen, please do message me if you need anything and I will gladly do my best to help.

RK
Jan 09, 2020 6:10 PM
Replying to LORI WILSON
...
Thank you, Rami. I remember when you traveled home to deal with loss. I am genuinely sorry that 2019 was a hard year for you, and I pray that 2020 will be one of rejoicing and celebration. Thank you for reaching out to me and for your support. I was embarrassed and hesitant to post this discussion, but now I am very grateful I did. Thank you!
Lori

What ... Embarrassed ? Don't that again please:

"WE ARE ONE BIG FAMILY HERE"

It takes lots of courage to write about your pain in public and you just demonstrated this kind of courage. You just have no idea how much as a person, I admire you.

It's true that I don't know you in person but as I mentioned on another thread and on my LinkedIn, some people, without meeting them in person, they do:

1)They touch you with their Soul
2)You see the good in their Heart
3)You feel the warmth of their Being
4)Support you when you need them
5)Change your life from bitter to better

This is you Lori, your words speak for you. You have a huge heart. Thank you for all your support and encouragement.

Stay Positive and Blessed !

RK
...
1 reply by LORI WILSON
Jan 09, 2020 6:24 PM
LORI WILSON
...
Thank you so much, Rami. Your words and the words of others on this thread have been so important to me today. Thank you for the support and kindness.
Jan 09, 2020 6:16 PM
Replying to Rami Kaibni
...
Lori

What ... Embarrassed ? Don't that again please:

"WE ARE ONE BIG FAMILY HERE"

It takes lots of courage to write about your pain in public and you just demonstrated this kind of courage. You just have no idea how much as a person, I admire you.

It's true that I don't know you in person but as I mentioned on another thread and on my LinkedIn, some people, without meeting them in person, they do:

1)They touch you with their Soul
2)You see the good in their Heart
3)You feel the warmth of their Being
4)Support you when you need them
5)Change your life from bitter to better

This is you Lori, your words speak for you. You have a huge heart. Thank you for all your support and encouragement.

Stay Positive and Blessed !

RK
Thank you so much, Rami. Your words and the words of others on this thread have been so important to me today. Thank you for the support and kindness.
...
1 reply by Rami Kaibni
Jan 09, 2020 6:28 PM
Rami Kaibni
...
Always my pleasure, Lori !
All of you are just so amazing. I could not even imagine. What makes me love what I do are the individuals behind the role, the human aspect of who we are and what we do. I am empathetic to you all.

We build bonds by being open and honest with others and our teams. Not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength.
Jan 09, 2020 6:24 PM
Replying to LORI WILSON
...
Thank you so much, Rami. Your words and the words of others on this thread have been so important to me today. Thank you for the support and kindness.
Always my pleasure, Lori !
I’m sorry for your loss.

I think we all cope differently with losses. I shared with my boss my personal battles at times if I believe it might affect my abilities to do my job. I try to put up a brave face with everyone else on the team for both their and my sakes.

Regardless, these are normal human experiences. I hope you give yourself some space to go through them and have your team’s support through out.

In times of loss this writing of grief comforts me: https://travelswithmrnimble.blogspot.com/2...ef-ive.html?m=1

Best 3
Dear Lori,

Extremely sorry for your losses and it's really heart breaking news.

Nothing to say in here, all the author & sr. blog members already shared valuable ,prestigious & remarkable mind concept.

You are a very valuable asset in this community.

Please, stay calm, you are very great heart person.

Stay blessed.

Thanks,
Rajon
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