Today I lost my cool not once but twice. First with my immediate supervisor when he told me a more junior person was going to get an opportunity that clearly (in my mind)should have been offered to me and then later with a project sponsor that moved the delivery date for a project up a week without telling me but going to the development team directly and telling them.
I think I was justified in both cases to get uptight and I am not the type of person to lose my cool however both of these things happened within an hour and I guess I just lost it.
Now I am miserable with regret and I imagine I have created a reputation for myself as a cry baby. Is there a way to salvage what I have done? Saving Changes...
I think we can all identify with what you felt--especially when the events were within an hour of each other.
What I would recommend is to sit down and write out your version of what happened in each case, focusing on how you perceived things, how they made you feel (I know it sounds really touchy-feely, but frankly it's emotional things that led to the blowup) and how you reacted. Then, do the same thing from the other person's perspective, but don't just look at the conversation--look at all the other things they are looking at and all the other things that are pressuring them. Your boss may have more in mind for this opportunity than you think (and it may also not be as good a deal as it appears to be). The sponsor is possibly (maybe even probably) being pressured to accelerate the schedule from *his* boss. Practice what you will say and what responses you expect to get before you go in--you must ensure that you don't sound defensive, or worse yet, allow yourself to get worked up again.
Once you have developed this balanced view of what happened and prepared yourself, go to each one separately and apologize--you don't have to fall on your sword, or get all worked up. State your concerns and articulate your perception--emphasizing what you heard and felt, and not accusing or putting words in their mouths. Assure them that this is not your normal behavior and that you're not sure why you reacted so strongly. Ask what steps should be taken to move on from here.
And after the apologies have been tendered and accepted, you should also consider talking to your supervisor about why the opportunity was not offered to you. Be careful to avoid a confrontational approach - your management team has every right to assign work as they see fit. But it can be healthy for you to let your supervisor know that, although you respect his/her decision, you'd like to understand how the decision was made. Your supervisor may not understand your goals, or may have decided based on factors totally unrelated to you. There may be aspects of your performance that your supervisor is concerned about, or maybe you are a "star" and they have bigger and better plans for you. Always avoid embarrassing your management and/or backing them into a corner in sensitive discussions like this. Many supervisors are as uncomfortable at critiquing your performance as you are being critiqued. Saving Changes...
