Exercising Emotional Intelligence

Start by being aware. If you are a project manager, take time to talk one on one with members of your team, especially the quiet ones. If it is a large team, you may need to get help. Assess your results. Is the team engaged? Do they feel comfortable working with each other? Are there any issues right away?
Also examine yourself. Do you have favorites on the team? Are there people you prefer not to interact with? Why? How can you make the effort to change this?

Let me give an example. There is a member of my former team. No one wants to work with her. She is stubborn, harsh, critical and quick to push things off on others. Now this may seem on the surface like a terrible employee. But let put on our EI glasses and figure out what is going on.
1. Harsh/critical - When she says things to you it comes off like she is being critical. But English is not her first language. The cadence of her speech is different. If you repeated the exact same words, they would not seem so harsh. So give some slack on that and try not to put your own spin on the words themselves.
2. Stubborn - Again part of this may be due to the language issue. She wants to make sure you understand her. And sometimes she may be slow to understand you. Stubbornness is not always bad, but add in the perceived harshness, the reaction is negative.
3. Quick to push work off on others - This caused a lot of frustration in the team and with me as well. What I finally realized was that she was not being properly utilized. She is very good as some things, but we were tasking her with others. Her pride would not let her say that she could not do that. Others on the team were excelling in that area which is why she tried to push that work to them. So the solution was to reconsider how people were being tasked.

So emotional intelligence can help you figure out why some people are not working up to the level expected.

Very good example. When I first started working in an environment that had me working with non-U.S. citizens I encountered the same thing. At first, my reaction was one of avoidance. I think it took me some time to finally connect reality with all of the diversity training I had.

People from the United States tend to "beat around the bush" and use a lot of softening phrases. We don't tell our coworkers that their work just wasn't up to par, we soften the blow and try to lead them to realize it themselves as nicely as we can. So when we as Americans work with a culture where this is not how they do things (or anyone that learned British English and not American English), we in the U.S. tend to regard it as rude or just view the person as mean-spirited. This may not be the case at all. They just aren't softening things up for you. (*This tendency in the U.S. creates issues for manager/employee relationships where the boss is either a jerk or your friend.)

It took me a little while, but I have grown to prefer the more direct approach to things. You can usually figure out where you stand with things more clear and with less guesswork. If I do badly at something - just tell me, then we can fix it. The hardest part is just to not take it personally - and that I think sums up EI. I would include the ability to take criticism and not react defensively towards it but to consider the criticism and think it over.

Start by being aware. If you are a project manager, take time to talk one on one with members of your team, especially the quiet ones. If it is a large team, you may need to get help. Assess your results. Is the team engaged? Do they feel comfortable working with each other? Are there any issues right away?
Also examine yourself. Do you have favorites on the team? Are there people you prefer not to interact with? Why? How can you make the effort to change this?

Let me give an example. There is a member of my former team. No one wants to work with her. She is stubborn, harsh, critical and quick to push things off on others. Now this may seem on the surface like a terrible employee. But let put on our EI glasses and figure out what is going on.
1. Harsh/critical - When she says things to you it comes off like she is being critical. But English is not her first language. The cadence of her speech is different. If you repeated the exact same words, they would not seem so harsh. So give some slack on that and try not to put your own spin on the words themselves.
2. Stubborn - Again part of this may be due to the language issue. She wants to make sure you understand her. And sometimes she may be slow to understand you. Stubbornness is not always bad, but add in the perceived harshness, the reaction is negative.
3. Quick to push work off on others - This caused a lot of frustration in the team and with me as well. What I finally realized was that she was not being properly utilized. She is very good as some things, but we were tasking her with others. Her pride would not let her say that she could not do that. Others on the team were excelling in that area which is why she tried to push that work to them. So the solution was to reconsider how people were being tasked.

So emotional intelligence can help you figure out why some people are not working up to the level expected.