Hi fellow PMs. I am 25 and have been a PM for about a year now. I have only been in IT for two years but started as a technical writer where I learned Enterprise IT very quickly by interviewing and spongeing up information to those I listened to and projects I documented. After a year, I was promoted a PM position in the IT dept. of my company. I managed many projects but my company went under before they could be finished. This decreased my confidence as a PM.
Now, after being layed off, I am a Senior Consultant managing a large government project. Although, I have always had good feedback from my management and team, my question to all of you seasoned PMs out there is when does the feeling of uneasyness get better? When do you get comfortable and have faith in yourself and your decisions? Although I make decisions, I am always second guessing myself because I feel I am too green and have no experience to rely on so I am ALWAYS asking questions.
I have read a thousand books and have self-taught myself everthing and can keep up with many techincal people now, but has anyone had this experience? Has anyone struggled to define themselves as a leader and be strong and agressive when you need to be? I am really struggling to find if I really like Project Management or not and if I belong, but am wondering if what I am experiencing is normal?
I have been told by other PMs that I am doing fine, but I just don't ever feel fine. I feel this constant wave of stress and fear that I just can't get over. Any help or advice or reason for me to keep my head up and keep trying? Really feeling low right now and ready to throw in the towel! Thanks! Saving Changes...
Firstly, welcome aboard. Well, you have certainly packed a lot into two years, equally I’ll try to pack as much as I can into the next couple of minutes. . As other PMs tell you you are doing fine that’s a good start. But how are your projects doing? I tend to measure my successfulness by my projects, but then my organisation doesn’t have any other PMs to get feedback from. I’m concerned about the word “aggressive” in there, maybe you meant assertive but what makes you think you need to be aggressive as a PM?
As for the constant wave of stress and fear, well maybe that’s what some of us take for granted. Projects are by nature risky, as they involve change, and that risk is what can make it all interesting. What are your interests outside work, do you think of yourself as a risk taker, do you enjoy risky activities or getting outside your comfort zone, or alternatively you have commitments which prevent you from taking risks? It may be that project management does not suit you, you would prefer a more ordered predictable existence. No doubt we all would some days. One other thing to consider, check out the 10000 Hour Rule, there seems a lot of sense to this as the time it take to become confident in a skilled activity, maybe you just need to bear that in mind.
Hope it helps
It sounds like you have had a successful past two years, recovering from job loss and making progress in your professional skills. Perhaps reflecting on how much more you know than you did two years ago will help.
It is also possible that you are suffering from a stress issue of some kind, and that this will not "just pass". Project work is stressful, but different people react to it differently. Sometimes it is really important to talk to a doctor, psychologist, or counselor about what you are feeling and seeing. Stress can have very real physical symptoms.
I have read many inspirational books and heard many speeches that talk about the virtues of having a positive outlook. "Mind over matter" and "smile and your feelings will follow" are all advice based on an idea that we can somehow control or overcome our emotions. There is a point, though, where pushing aside your emotions or trying to push past your feelings will turn into a failing strategy. Help from a doctor, advisor, or medication can do a lot of good.
I have no idea if your particular situation needs or would benefit from that type of help, but it is worth thinking about.
I also do think it is natural to feel uncertain when you are going through a period of great personal and professional growth. I have been running projects for 15 years, and I still feel uncertain about some things. There are some things that I know work well from experience, but I am always trying something new.
You might never really feel "seasoned". Even through I lecture, teach, and advise senior people, I still feel like I am learning. It is only because so many people ask me for help, and because I can give helpful advice that I know that I know more than most people.
I do think that a "constant wave of stress", or never feeling fine is a bad sign. I hope you are taking joy in your accomplishments. If you truly cannot find some joy and fun in your life, I suggest asking coworkers and maybe your doctor for help. Sometimes just asking for help and admitting the problem can start to turn you around.
If anyone is feeling like this, please feel free to contact me anytime - [email protected] or +1 908 428 2048.
I think you are doing just fine. You are a Senior Consultant managing a large government project - this requires a confident person with skill sets and competencies that you have successfully sold to get the job. Reading books it is a learning curve, the real test is putting everything you learned into practice i.e. doing the PM job. Your strength of leadership and management style can take you further afield, and one must always remember that each organisation has a 'way of doing things' this is far more important than book knowledge and or even past experiences.
What you're feeling is normal. Keep your head up, be honest, and ask for help. There is no one who is a master at project management. This is a fairly new field, and it's ever changing and we are all learning as we go. It is such a huge field, and so many issues can arise. Even the most senior managers will have lot of problems that they have not faced before and don't know the answer to so don't feel stupid, if you don't know how to handle certain situations, and ask for help any of those times. I hope that you can discuss some of these matters with your managers . If the manager looks down on you for asking questions, then you may want to look for a new boss or company.
Also, I found government jobs to be a PIA in general due to their massive red-tapes, and very slow moving environment. Saving Changes...
