I am kind of having a bit of a issue, if you can call it that, with work or just really my overall purpose in the career I am doing. I left my last company mainly due to hostile work environment and feeling that I need more of a challenge or just change of pace. One thing my manager said to me during a review right before I left was that I potentially lack confidence. Since then I moved to my current company that is heavily reliant consultant work. I'm not sure if its lack of clients or just maybe the resume that provided to external companies that want to work with our company, but for one reason or another I haven't been put on a project that is externally facing (even though another co-worker of mine who was hired at the same time as me of has been put on various projects. In the interim of long stretches of no work, I primarily focused on professional development, getting my PMP to show that I can and am a valuable member and also reaching out internally to different department heads to support any activities they are working with. I had opportunities to develop various dashboards and presentations that seemed for one reason or the other pushed to the side or not implemented at all. I was put on an integration project at the beginning of this year to internally support integration efforts for my company. I think there were definitely some nerves and a learning curve to understanding how to lead executive staff and how I fit into these efforts and aligning different workflows to drive to our deadlines. My issue, I suppose now, is that at the end of last year, I had a conversation with the Director of PM trying to clarify my role and get more insight into a definitive work process for myself. He stated that there was a need for internal PM support and that I would be working a lot closer with him, as he put it Chief of Staff equivalent work. I felt confident and excited to have an opportunity to have more responsibility and clearly defined role within the company. However, I had a 1:1 meeting with the same person today and his response to me was that they are still trying to figure out how to best utilize me. I feel like Ive put a lot of time to create things that would be useful but at this point it all feels like I am wasting my time -and maybe theirs. I feel that I am back to square 1 not really knowing my role or place, doubting if I should even be within project management because again, I got the same feedback of not really having the confidence to lead. I don't know if maybe I just needed to vent with individuals who maybe could relate or if anyone just had some insight. Saving Changes...
