We need to talk...How do you handle difficult conversations?
Keith MelvinSumaria Systems, LLCDayton, OH, United States
Recently I had to sit down with a teammate and discuss poor performance. For me, it wasn't an easy conversation to have. I had my list of facts, but I didn't want to anchor the meeting by running down a list of "you did this on this date". But, I also knew I needed to say what needed to be said.
How have you handled difficult conversations?
I came across this quote from a Podcaster named Kwame Christian. "The best things in life often are on the other side of difficult conversations."
His podcast is Negotiate Anything. Saving Changes...
Keith MelvinSumaria Systems, LLCDayton, OH, United States
Oct 14, 2024 10:41 AM
Replying to Pavan Maddi
...
I completely relate to this.
In the past, I made the mistake of focusing too much on the improvement areas, listing out what went the way I wanted. It led to defensiveness and didn't help with improvement. However, I also remember a time when I handled it better. I framed the conversation as a problem-solving session. Instead of starting with a list of what went wrong, I asked them how they were feeling about their performance and if there were any obstacles they were facing. That opened up a more honest dialogue, and we were able to collaborate on ways to address the challenges. It was much more productive and helped build trust, which led to better results in the long run. Kwame Christian’s quote is a great reminder that these tough conversations, if approached thoughtfully, can lead to growth and better outcomes for everyone involved.
Pavan,
I relate to what you said. In my early program manager tutelage, my mentors and training focused on deliverables and outcomes. Teaming, at least in my opinion, was secondary. Saving Changes...
Raman ChadhaManager| DeloitteMillbrae, United States
I have had to adopt different approaches while giving feedback depending upon multiple factors - gravity/impact of the issue, timelines for correction, etc. I agree with the comments made by everyone above. The one thing that has always helped me, regardless of the situation, is empathy. I always spend time to get to know the other person and their thought process, and this helps me message my feedback appropriately. In fact, I try to do that (time permitting) in most stakeholder conversations. Saving Changes...
Difficult conversations, especially when addressing poor performance, are never easy but essential for growth and progress. Preparation is key. It's important to approach the discussion with empathy, first understanding any personal or external factors affecting performance. Start by describing the issue with clear, specific examples, ensuring the focus is on the behaviour or outcome, not the person. This helps avoid defensiveness. Collaborate with the individual to identify solutions, provide support if necessary, and set clear expectations for improvement. Timing is crucial. Deliver feedback promptly but after reflection. Creating clear, measurable performance objectives ensures accountability and provides a benchmark for future discussions. Most importantly, always remain open to hearing the other side, ensuring a two-way conversation that fosters understanding and mutual respect. Saving Changes...
