We need to talk...How do you handle difficult conversations?
Keith MelvinSumaria Systems, LLCDayton, OH, United States
Recently I had to sit down with a teammate and discuss poor performance. For me, it wasn't an easy conversation to have. I had my list of facts, but I didn't want to anchor the meeting by running down a list of "you did this on this date". But, I also knew I needed to say what needed to be said.
How have you handled difficult conversations?
I came across this quote from a Podcaster named Kwame Christian. "The best things in life often are on the other side of difficult conversations."
His podcast is Negotiate Anything. Saving Changes...
Eric SimmsSenior Program ManagerBaltimore, Maryland, United States
A good question. I usually describe the problem to the person, then ask what we can do to fix it, and if there's something I can help with. Often there are any number of things going on in someone's personal life that might be negatively impacting their performance, and hopefully if so they'll mention them; sometimes I can make a simple change that helps them tremendously. I then discuss a plan for how we can improve their performance.
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1 reply by Keith Melvin
Oct 13, 2024 12:08 PM
Keith Melvin
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Eric,
The personal life impact on work performance is crucial. As much as we try to compartmentalize, work and personal lives are bound to bleed over.
there's lots of good practices when it comes to providing constructive feedback, but a few which have helped me in the past are:
1. Deliver it in a timely manner - constructive feedback does not age well. However, do it once you've had a chance to digest it properly and not in a kneejerk manner as you are likely to come across a lot rougher or angrier than you wanted.
2. Make it specific - nothing irritates folks faster than generalities when it comes to criticism.
3. Make sure the individual is in the right mindset to receive it.
Kiron
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1 reply by Keith Melvin
Oct 13, 2024 12:12 PM
Keith Melvin
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Kiron,
Timely feedback is a good input. It's easier to address small issues instead of letting things compile and grow.
Thanks for the comment.
Saving Changes...
Sergio Luis ConteHelping to create solutions for everyone| Worldwide based OrganizationsBuenos Aires, Argentina
It is simple: create quantitative performance objectives. Call them KPIs of what you like but always must be quantitative. You can add some qualitative indeed. That´s all you need.
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1 reply by Keith Melvin
Oct 13, 2024 12:16 PM
Keith Melvin
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Sergio,
KPIs definitely help keep everyone on track and provide a way to compare and contrast.
In addition:
a) I would establish a control mechanism with the individual, such as holding regular or periodic one-on-one meetings.
b) I would prepare an action plan with the individual to work on improvement, address challenges, and discuss progress.
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1 reply by Keith Melvin
Oct 13, 2024 12:30 PM
Keith Melvin
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Maria,
I'm also a huge fan of action plans. I try to get my teammates to create their own action plan to increase the chance of buy in.
Thanks for the comment.
Saving Changes...
Keith MelvinSumaria Systems, LLCDayton, OH, United States
Oct 12, 2024 2:15 PM
Replying to Eric Simms
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A good question. I usually describe the problem to the person, then ask what we can do to fix it, and if there's something I can help with. Often there are any number of things going on in someone's personal life that might be negatively impacting their performance, and hopefully if so they'll mention them; sometimes I can make a simple change that helps them tremendously. I then discuss a plan for how we can improve their performance.
Eric,
The personal life impact on work performance is crucial. As much as we try to compartmentalize, work and personal lives are bound to bleed over.
Thanks for the comment. Saving Changes...
Keith MelvinSumaria Systems, LLCDayton, OH, United States
Oct 13, 2024 7:42 AM
Replying to Kiron Bondale
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Keith -
there's lots of good practices when it comes to providing constructive feedback, but a few which have helped me in the past are:
1. Deliver it in a timely manner - constructive feedback does not age well. However, do it once you've had a chance to digest it properly and not in a kneejerk manner as you are likely to come across a lot rougher or angrier than you wanted.
2. Make it specific - nothing irritates folks faster than generalities when it comes to criticism.
3. Make sure the individual is in the right mindset to receive it.
Kiron
Kiron,
Timely feedback is a good input. It's easier to address small issues instead of letting things compile and grow.
Thanks for the comment. Saving Changes...
Keith MelvinSumaria Systems, LLCDayton, OH, United States
Oct 13, 2024 8:38 AM
Replying to Sergio Luis Conte
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It is simple: create quantitative performance objectives. Call them KPIs of what you like but always must be quantitative. You can add some qualitative indeed. That´s all you need.
Sergio,
KPIs definitely help keep everyone on track and provide a way to compare and contrast.
Thanks for the comment. Saving Changes...
Keith MelvinSumaria Systems, LLCDayton, OH, United States
Oct 13, 2024 9:10 AM
Replying to Maria Hrabikova
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In addition:
a) I would establish a control mechanism with the individual, such as holding regular or periodic one-on-one meetings.
b) I would prepare an action plan with the individual to work on improvement, address challenges, and discuss progress.
Maria,
I'm also a huge fan of action plans. I try to get my teammates to create their own action plan to increase the chance of buy in.
I always rely on data and metrics first as I would like to make my judgement analytically. So, KPIs definitely help. Along with that, since we are dealing with human beings, there will always be something that can't be quantified such as behaviour and feedback from colleagues.
So, I would gather all the data first, qualitative and quantitative, make my judgement and then have a conversation and mostly it goes well since everything is based on facts and evidence. However, there have been situations where I faced resistance too. In this case, I try to be diplomatic just to ensure that the point is conveyed because there can always be two sides to a story. If the person is still resistant, I refer it to the appropriate manager or department. Saving Changes...
In the past, I made the mistake of focusing too much on the improvement areas, listing out what went the way I wanted. It led to defensiveness and didn't help with improvement. However, I also remember a time when I handled it better. I framed the conversation as a problem-solving session. Instead of starting with a list of what went wrong, I asked them how they were feeling about their performance and if there were any obstacles they were facing. That opened up a more honest dialogue, and we were able to collaborate on ways to address the challenges. It was much more productive and helped build trust, which led to better results in the long run. Kwame Christian’s quote is a great reminder that these tough conversations, if approached thoughtfully, can lead to growth and better outcomes for everyone involved.
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1 reply by Keith Melvin
Nov 11, 2024 9:42 AM
Keith Melvin
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Pavan,
I relate to what you said. In my early program manager tutelage, my mentors and training focused on deliverables and outcomes. Teaming, at least in my opinion, was secondary.
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