Establishing boundaries and saying "no" is a daily occurrence. But saying "no" and delivering bad news isn't particularly fun to do.
I have having to say "no," but I'm trying to embrace the term. After all, it's far worse to promise and then not deliver as expected. I try to preface by "No" by recognizing up front that I recognize the person's request is important (to them, anyway) and then follow up with an explanation that leaves no room for debate. It's not easy, but I'm getting better at it.
How do you tell others "no" or deliver bad news in a way that is effective, while not being offensive? Saving Changes...
Elizabeth HarrinDirector| RebelsGuideToPM.comLondon, England, United Kingdom
"No but" is a good approach as in, "we could do that next year," or, "I'll add it to the list of suggestions for the next board meeting."
People need to feel that their ideas are valued, and that they have been heard, even if you can't use them on this project right now. Saving Changes...
Marjorie AndersonDirector of Community| Product SchoolNewtown Square, Pa, United States
I usually preface my "no" by thanking them for their suggestions. I think it shows that you took time to consider what was said and then follow up with options or solid reasons why you said no. It keeps communication flowing and doesn't make the other person feel they have been cut off at the knees. Saving Changes...
Bernard GorePortfolio, Programme & Project Professional| NZ PoliceWellington, New Zealand
I half agree with Elizabeth's suggestion - the "no, but..." approach is what I prefer, but her examples are too vague (maybe just because they are examples) - for most cases telling someone you'll maybe do something next year or just add it to a list sounds like blatant procrastination and deflection.
I'd use "No, but we can ....." followed by a quite specific proposal, and where possible giving the person at least a bit of what they want. Saving Changes...
I think you need to express yourself very clearly when you say NO. Don't succumb to sugar-coating or obfuscation to make it seem better to the recipient. Don't later attempt to soften the NO by making it a "Maybe." These well-meaning efforts just causes unnecessary confusion. And, you'll be worse-off in the end.
If you mean NO, say NO. If possible, it's good to attempt to give a clear-thought-out reason or position for your NO. But, that's not always possible for many different reasons.
Typing this makes me wonder what the ratio of NOs to YESs are that I've had in my life. My guess is that the YESs far outnumber the NOs, but I can remember the NOs. Human nature!
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Anonymous
I believe there is valid strong reason for " NO". It could be anything, but as a professional it is always a part of routine to have "NO" and if requires to explain the rational for that.
It depends on the work environment , practices and it also goes back to individuals professional approach and developing his/her reputation as a professional. Saving Changes...
Michael AdamsSolutions Architect| LANLLos Alamos, Nm, United States
Since I introduced you to Dan O'Connor before, here is some more on saying "no."
Hi to all, nice debate.
Prior to think about saying NO I would focus on spreading the culture of not being terrorized by NO. Anyone who has had the experience of being a parent knows that NO is essential and also knows that to a child should be taught that NO arrive, that NO is motivated and that he/she (the child) must not be frightened if they receive a NO. So, before you say a NO, try to create an environment where NO does not scare but can be an opportunity for growth. Saving Changes...
We want to acknowledge the person (yes) and negotiate the task (no);it takes practice. Try it in various settings so you feel comfortable to use certain techniques it when it really matters.
Saving Changes...
Jimmy GodardCTO | Professional Keynote Speaker | Trainer | President | Entre| State of OregonSherwood, Or, United States
I have learned in the past that "No" is a complete sentence. Nonetheless, I have worked at it where I do not say no, but just provide an alternate answer to it.
For instance, can you deliver this project in 90 days? Instead of just saying no, a good answer may be, I will convene with the team to work on the estimates and provide you with an answer shortly.
The idea here is to demonstrate the willingness to be a team player, yet stand on your ground. If you do not stand for something, you will fall for anything. Some people out there really want to take advantage of you. Saving Changes...
Well, how valuable is “No” and how frequently it is used, highly depends on the organisational culture in which the project is performed. Certain managers, inclined to authoritarian style of management, would quite often use the word without any additional explanation, except, occasionally; “Because I say so”. Others show great deal of reluctance when there is a necessity to say “No”, mostly due to the personal discomfort they feel when refusing someone or something. Both approaches may have devastating effect on team cohesion and morale. Inevitably, “No” has to be a component of PM’s vocabulary (otherwise, scope creep is equally inevitable on the project), but should be communicated respectfully and, whenever possible, with arguments justifying the position and associated decision. Saving Changes...
