The Thirtieth Annual Business Management Championship!

 

“Hi, this is Ron, and I’m here with my partner Verne to call the 30th annual Business Management Championship. Verne, it’s pretty much been just the asset managers in blowout victories every year. Kind of makes you wonder why they bother having the competition in the first place, much less give it world-wide network coverage.”
“Well, Ron, you’re right about the accountants dominating the series thus far, but I think this year may be different. For one, the project management team isn’t just the Project Management Institute® – this year they’ve added ProjectManagement.com to their roster, and they look much more modernized. I mean, have you ever actually performed an internet search on ‘accountants.com’? I have, and it’s completely lame. Also, due to the success of the AMC hit series ‘Mad Men,’ the strategic managers seem to have a handle on the concept that they can’t win by playing the other teams’ games, that it’s all about market share to them.”
“But what can either of the latter two do against this asset management team? They dominate in almost all phases of the game – their pet theories are in all the business school texts, and their adherents are on all of the corporate boards.”
“That’s right, Ron, but their overuse of that one play – the Return on Investment – is going to come back to haunt them.”
“We’ll see as the players take the field. The asset managers are in their lederhosen, with suspenders and wire-frame glasses, and wing-tipped shoes. The project managers are a bit more stylish, in their khakis, polo shirts and penny loafers, and finally here come the strategic managers, and what a sight they are. They’re dressed in suits and ties, but their clothes look like they’ve been worked in all day, partied in all night, and worn unapologetically the next day!”
“Here come the teams as they approach the center of the Y-shaped field. The asset managers are in their traditional maximize-shareholder-wealth formation, where they’ve been unstoppable. But wait, what’s this? The project managers appear to be picking off the accountants from the poorly-performing organizations! Their juggernaut is slowing down!”
“I see it, Ron, but look a little closer to what’s happening on the project management bench. The risk managers, who we know have nothing at all to do with actual project performance, are claiming the credit for all of PM’s success! And there it is – a penalty flag for inappropriate celebration!”
“Amazing, Verne. Nobody has scored a point, and those risk guys are acting like they’ve won the game on their own!”
“Meanwhile, over in the strategy management camp, they seem to be having their own problems. The advertising guys – wait, are they disoriented, or something? It almost looks as if they’ve been drinking…”
“Or, maybe they just have no idea what the business management game is truly about, even though they are clearly indispensable to the strategy managers’ overall efforts.”
“In any event, the advertising squad of the strategic management team appears to be wandering aimlessly around the field, even as the asset managers make inroads into strategic management space!”
“Now here comes the PM team – they’re advancing into the asset managers’ territory – I’m seeing their leads now, the Agile and Scrum Teams, from the IT squad! What do we know about them, Verne?”
“They burst on the scene a few years back, and have been talked about on many business publications, even past the usual PM coverage.”
“Well, they’re making significant progress towards the goal at the end of the asset managers’ side of the field, they may score, but …. Ohhhh! Agile and Scrum just got slammed by the asset managers’ goalies, the Human Resources and Payroll players!”
“Is that even legal? If the asset managers can simply waylay anyone who disagrees with their business model by not hiring or promoting them, what chance does anyone else have on this field?”
“Yeah, I think we just saw why the asset managers keep winning this ‘competition’ year after year…”