Maintaining PMO Morale

 

An unhappy Project Management Office is an underperforming Project Management Office, so it’s up to you, the PMO Director, to take positive steps to maintain a high level of morale among the staff, even in light of low salaries, lack of respect from the rest of the organization, and the sharp elbows of the management information system advocates who are racing you to the role of most-important-executive-advisor team. A way of letting your PMO staff blow off some steam simply must be found. Sooo…how is this to be accomplished, exactly?

Well, there are several options, but if you are bereft of company money in any kind of a morale fund, you may well have to host a soiree at your home. If you do this, though, there’s a possibility that it will come off as somewhat lame, unless you partake of some of the following party activities – for amusement only, you understand.

·         Supply your PMO team with Nerf® guns. Invite over the members of the Chief Financial Officer’s team (read: CPAs) who believe that estimates at completion can be derived by performing regression analysis on the project’s cumulative actual costs, but tell them the start time of the party is 15 minutes after it actually starts. To be on the safe side, have the accountant sign an agreement that insulates you from liability for any light-hearted attacks they may or may not be subject to at your home. Every Nerf hit is good for 15 points towards one of the door prizes.

·         Host a little “casino night,” with the winnings being points or coupons towards door prizes. Invite the risk management team. If they play, ask them how they justify participating at all, given that, in light of the fact that, of all casino games, blackjack gives the player the best odds, and even then they favor the house by 0.5%. If they state that they “feel lucky,” they are either not genuine risk management types, or else they have found a way to cheat.

·         Equip your team members with slightly more effective (but still, of course, [relatively] safe) equipment, such as AirSoft® BB-guns, and invite the members of the CFO team (again: accountants) who believe that a cost variance is the difference between budget and actual costs, but have them show up 15 minutes after the previous batch of accountants.  Any hits count for 100 points towards the door prizes.

·         Set up a game of “PMO Jeapordy!” The topics are:

o   IT Projects and Automatic Scope Creep

o   Reasons why performing statistical analysis on Critical Path schedule-data is a waste of time

o   Canned Variance Analysis Reports that work

o   Agile, Scrum, and Cheating the BCP Process

o   The Most Boring Seminar Topics

o   Certification Initials – What They Stand For

·         Equip your team members with paint ball guns, and invite still more members of the CFO team (do I really need to remind you whom I’m referring to here?) who insist that all management information that deals with budgets or costs must be derived from the General Ledger. Arrange for them to arrive 15 minutes after the previous bunch. Any hits are good for – ahhh, just hand over the door prizes.

·         Print out some versions of this blog, get a life-sized stand-up cutout of your organization’s Chief Information Officer, and initiate a game of “Pin the Clue on the CIO.”

·         Invite over still other members of the CFO team (y’all still know who I’m talking about, right?), and have them arrive 15 minutes after the previous batch. Find ones who flat out refuse to align the projects’ chart of accounts with your Work Breakdown Structure at the reporting level, instead insisting on tracking actuals by the Organizational Breakdown Structure. Procure a delay timer and a electronically-opened cage full of tarantulas…

Ha, ha! Just kidding all along. It would, after all, be a pain to clean up after any aberrant paint-ball shots…