Greatest conversion with a toxic team member?

I'm amazed how quickly and well that approach worked, Sante. I don't think it would be effective in my current environment, but I'll definitely keep it in mind for the future.

That's an interesting approach, Sergio.

I have read your article on Newton's laws on Org. Change - unfortunately in this scenario here I am usually the reactor (and not the actor) - and in more cases than none my reaction has definitely not been the opposite. It has been one of yielding, of cajoling, of mollycoddling.

In some of these cases, it has not brought about an expected result. It has made the instigating behaviour even more aggressive.

The underlying cause (or my assumption of it) was touched upon very well by Raj in an earlier reply to this post - there is the perception of "I am the SME, I cannot be told what to do. I will do what I think is best". It's not so much that they resent the task that is being asked of them - it is more that they resent the fact that they are being asked in the first place.

So, if I am to take anything away from your reply:
1. Perception (instigator): I am an SME. I will do what I feel is best.
2. Reality: The project team has objectives, budgets, and deadlines to meet. Activities have to be centrally managed to achieve an optimal outcome. Here, by the PM.
3. Gap: Who directs the activities of such prima donna SMEs?

I have already tried to meet this perception (as outlined in the original post) by having the instigator win conflicts often (although only for aspects not having a consequence on the project itself). But that does not seem to be enough.

I cannot change the reality. My objective is to have the project executed smoothly.

The issue, therefore, is on what approaches one can take to address this gap for someone who refuses to entertain any thought of working as one team. Even the SPIN questions are ineffective when someone has decided they want to be difficult only because they can do so.

In any case, deeply appreciate the inputs. There definitely is scope to use the SPIN method and also to review reasons for why a certain behaviour type is being manifested.

Karan -

I experienced this on a project where I was replacing the original PM. One of the technical leads had been classified as toxic by this PM, the sponsor and other team members when I met with them individually and indeed, I found the individual's behavior in group settings to be very irritating.

After observing this behavior and the reactions of other team members, I met with the individual and asked her whether she was aware of how her actions were making those around her feel. I also asked her whether she really wanted the project to succeed.

While she was somewhat aware of her effect on others, no one had the courage till then to bring this candidly to her attention so she was somewhat defensive.

It took a few such meetings with her to convince her that there was a consistent pattern of behavior. That started to make her more open to accepting my feedback and while she never became fully self-aware, I did see enough of a change in her more painful habits to enable the team to complete the project without bloodshed.

Kiron

try to talk to them see where the problem is and then attack their root cause, most of the tough employees who act loudmouth are quite affable when you get to know them individually.Once you provide your feedback that there are certain issues which the person needs to work on. If he values his job he will change his attitude. if not just replace him with someone who is easy to work with.

Worked for me in few cases and for few of them I had to give it back to them in the same way they treated others , as dialogues with the concerned person did not work. We had to ask them to leave. One thing definitely needs to be learnt while dealing with team is assertiveness. if you are assertive enough with your colleagues you will not have much problem.

As my former boss told me on this topic: it takes all kind of people to make the world

I faced this situation lot of times (including today. less than before, but I faced it sometimes because I have to work with VPs). The situation you stated is easy to solve if you understand this: 1-the project is not yours. The project stakeholders are the owners. 2-you must not said what/when/how/who compose the project. SMEs must said that. 3-the project is started to achieve an organizational objective. Then, people above the SMEs are involved indeed. They will help you with the SMEs. 4-SMEs who do not understand that are not part of the project team. You have to publish it and you have to record issues and risks just in case to not include an SMEs will put the project in danger.