The Hamelin Rat Remediation Project Change Control Board Meeting Minutes

 

Project Award and Initiation Meeting

Attendees: Hamelin City Council, and one Mr. Pied Piper.

Councilman Marx chaired the meeting.

“So, Mr. … Piper, is it? We are in receipt of your proposal, and have a couple of questions about your stated Technical Approach.”

“Sure, Councilman. What would you like to know?”

“The entire tech approach section is comprised of two words: ‘Trust me.’”

“I prefer brevity.”

“You are fully aware of the scope in our Request for Proposal – elimination of the rats from this town.”

“Sure.”

“Without explosives, property destruction, harm to humans or pets, and finish within the week?”

“Yeah, I read that section. I read the whole thing.”

“Well, then, your proposal is approved. When can you start?”

“Right away. I have a couple of questions of my own, though. First off, how many rats would you say we’re looking at?”

Councilman Marx leaned back in his chair, and then squirmed uneasily.

“Latest estimates are 2.3 rats per square meter. In fact, I believe one just crawled up my leg.”

“Doesn’t that creep you out?”

“I’m kind of getting used to them, but my wife detests them.”

“Yeah, I get that. Also, about my fee…”

“This is a cost plus award fee contract, with a ceiling of 20,000 marks.”

“So, if I get rid of the rats, without destroying property or harming non-rats, I get 20,000 marks?”

“If you do so prior to the end of the period of performance, I guarantee you will max out the award fee.”

“Okay, I will take you at your guarantee.”

Post-Project and Award Fee Meeting

“Okay, I got rid of the rats! Where’s my 20,000 marks?”

“Woah, there, Mr. Piper. It’s not that simple.”

“It’s not?”

“No. As promised, you maxed out the award fee, but that was up to 25% of the total project costs, which we felt was exceedingly generous. By our calculations, you spent one day here. At the rate of 10 marks per hour, and assuming you will bill us for an entire day, that puts you at 80 marks. Add in the per diem rate for Hamelin, plus your material expenses – one flute – and we have a total of 120 marks. With the award fee, that brings us to 145 marks.”

“145? What happened to 20,000?”

“This isn’t a firm fixed price contract, Mr. Piper. It’s cost plus award fee, which means we, as your customer, have to have some form of oversight over your work. Since you failed to disclose your technical approach, we couldn’t perform a risk analysis on it, and therefore evaluate your baselines. We are the offended party here, Mr. Piper, since you refused to comply with our baseline evaluation and change management requirements. But, since you did do such a remarkable job, the City Council of Hamlin is prepared to add to your remittance an additional 500 marks.”

“That’s still not even half of the original deal.”

“True, but we need to spend some money on inter-city relations. You know the town just downstream of Hamelin on the River Wesen, Holzminden? Well, their council is pretty upset with the tens of thousands of rat carcasses floating down the river, and they’re fixin’ to sue us through the Environmental Protection Agency.”

“That’s not my problem. I fulfilled the terms of the SOW to the letter, and I expect my 20,000 marks, or you’ll be sorry.”

“Threats won’t work here, Mr. Piper. Besides, what could you possibly do with nothing more than a flute?”