Straight Talk—And Active Listening

 

PMI has identified “power skills” as one of the three sides of the “Talent Triangle” — a framework that helps project leaders navigate the changing world of project management. These power skills include collaborative leadership, communication and empathy, which are explored in Straight Talk: Influence Skills for Collaboration and Commitment, a new book by Rick Brandon. Brandon, founder of training firm Brandon Partners, has devoted 30-plus years to delivering leadership and professional development workshops on what he calls “influence skills.”

I recently connected with Brandon to learn more about his thoughts on several core concepts in his book, including active listening, making connections remotely and practicing constructive honesty.

COVID and the seismic shift to virtual work has made collaboration more challenging. Why do leaders with strong interpersonal skills have an advantage in this new work reality? Strong interpersonal skills give leaders a competitive advantage by curbing time drains, costly mistakes, and alienated relationships due to misunderstanding. Assertive speaking and empathic listening create commitment rather than mere compliance when forging agreements on project action steps. New managers are promoted based on their own results, but now must get results through other people–– often their friends. They’re lost without skills for gaining commitments, giving feedback, and being a sounding board for others who are wrestling problems.

Emotional intelligence (EQ) research by Daniel Goleman revealed EQ is more than twice as important to performance and advancement as intelligence and technical expertise combined. Gallup found that only 30 percent of workers are fully engaged, and a top reason given is “my manager.” Retention requires communication, not money or task issues. Wave goodbye to innovation without an open and honest free flow of ideas where suggestions aren’t stifled.

Finally, interpersonal skills that build connection can buffer remote work’s separation, social isolation, disconnection, personalization and loneliness. Harmonious, stress-free relationships foster trust, team spirit, and unity that are precursors to performance quality and quantity.

Why is active listening important for project leaders and team members? Listening skills aren’t soft “charm school” skills only applicable in your personal life, rather they are critical project performance skills. Project leaders must harness the cooperation and contribution of all team members. Active listening builds belonging, helps explore project needs and specs, shows receptivity to ideas and feedback, conveys positive regard, explores problems before providing input, and defuses emotions during disagreements. In meetings, paraphrasing draws out views, urges others to share their opinions, distills points of agreement or differences, and summarizes the status of decisions and agreed-upon next steps.

Active listening also helps team members by ensuring understanding of instructions before taking action, improving concentration, and fostering retention of a complex explanation. Paraphrasing helps everyone clarify and verify understanding, gather needed data, explore and empathize with a person’s problem when being a sounding board for a troubled teammate, stay calm before arguing, tactfully disagree or challenge, and defuse de-escalate volatile emotions during a conflict

Can you share some tips for how to improve one’s listening? First, focus on the environment—computer closed, cell on silent. Then focus on your mind and body—decide to listen, lean forward, make eye contact, nod your head. Explore with acknowledgments, open-ended questions and encouragement (e.g., “Tell me more…”). Empathize by validating and paraphrasing thoughts and feelings. Real listening isn’t merely silently hearing the other person attentively. It demands checking your understanding by paraphrasing in your own words.

How can people on dispersed teams feel more connected? Interpersonal skills by phone, text, and video can ease the pain of the remote work world’s separation and create connection. Opt for phone and video meetings (Zoom, etc.) where at least you experience visual and vocal cues absent from text or email. Studies show emotional impact of messages comes 7% from a message’s words, 38% from tone, and 55% from body language (facial expression, eyes, etc.). In video meetings, some tips for connection include:

• Start a Google docs for self-introductions including bio, photo, and fun personal facts.              
• Urge early arriving and reaching out to connect with others via chat.
• Request cameras being on to feel more together.           
• Replace excessive one-way information-sharing with use of collaboration tools like chat room, breakout groups, polling, brainstorming on the white board, etc.
• End by debriefing how the team did with its group process and communication.                             
• Organize virtual lunch gatherings with an activity, and team-building game time using various online game apps.

What are some keys to being constructively candid? You frame this as honesty vs. idiocy—can you elaborate? People often put honesty on a pedestal, and justify a hurtful, bruising statement saying, “I’m just saying…” or “Just being honest!” There is a better way, what I call “Right Stuff” guidelines for appropriate honesty.

—The Right Way. being firm rather than weak or harsh.

—The Right Time. Is the person ready to hear you? Ask permission to give feedback. Be sensitive to timing. What else was going on in the person’s life? Was there time to discuss the issues?

—The Right Place. Did you assert in a private setting to minimize distractions, reduce awkwardness, and avoid humiliation? Or was it in a group where the receiver became more defensive and resistant?

—The Right Reasons. Consider whether your honesty was based on fair and appropriate reasons to:

• help or develop the other
• make input to inform a decision
• strengthen the organization
• improve the relationship
• forge greater accountability
• set a positive tone or motivate

Or did you speak up for flawed reasons to:

• power trip
• hurt the other
• prove how smart or right you are
• hear yourself talk
• get even
• gripe and complain

—The Right Risk Level. If you’re overly trusting of everyone and always say everything on your mind without regard to power and politics, you’ll regret it. Consider the ego issues and potential risk level involved. Are you getting yourself into hot water? Is the receiver an overly political player who will exact revenge?

You also contrast fault finding and strength finding. Can you share an example of how each approach might play out on a project, and why it makes a difference? Being a “fault finder” versus a motivating “strengths finder” shows up as:

• During brainstorming, finding fault before the idea’s even fully expressed.

• Giving feedback on a presentation or report only highlighting what went wrong with “constructive criticism.”

• Jumping all over a person’s viewpoint before aligning with and absorbing it (e.g., “That’ll never work because risk management will veto it!”).

Instead, being a “strengths finder” is exemplified by:

• Regular doses of unexpected positive recognition and appreciation messages.

• Handling a mistake by exploring positive learnings for the future and by appreciating the person’s honesty in bringing the issue to the leader’s attention.

• Before expressing concerns about someone’s suggestion, first generously stating what you like about the idea–– its merits–– even if overall you don’t support it.

Thanks for sharing these insights, Rick!