Helping Project Managers to Help Themselves

So the older I get the more I think about the lessons I’ve learned in my career. Oh, to go back in time and talk to my younger self about the boneheaded things I did. Sadly, my younger self probably wouldn’t have listened to any imparted wisdom (which I define as knowledge coupled with experience). I was recklessly confident—I didn’t think I would get burned by touching the stove, no matter how many before me got burnt.

Ah, the naivete of youth.

What I’ve come to realize is that learning hard lessons doesn’t mean I have to experience them first-hand. It’s far less physically, emotionally and financially painful to learn from others. This has led me to an important conclusion--there are two paths to wisdom. The first is experiential wisdom, where I know the stove is hot because I touched it. The second is inherited wisdom, where I believe someone with credibility when they tell me the stove is hot. I could have saved myself a lot of time, stress, and money if I understood and practiced inherited wisdom.

In my zeal to help those still climbing the career mountain, following are my 12 wisdom nuggets to help others avoid experiential wisdom and replace it with inherited wisdom.

Don’t use “ask for forgiveness, not permission” as an excuse for disorganization or laziness – I’m all in for people making urgent decisions without crossing all the Ts, but I’ve also seen many people who were either too lazy or too disorganized to ensure they had appropriate authority to proceed. Both the leader and follower should establish agreed-upon guiding principles for decision making, then make sure any “ask for forgiveness” instances are the exception not the rule.

Throttle actions to urgency – As a younger leader I had difficulty mastering measured responses to situations. I either called in the Cavalry for run-of-the-mill issues or fiddled away while Rome burned. As I got older, I learned to assess a situation and its consequences, then act with the required urgency. When handed an issue, take time to triage it and determine an appropriate course and speed of action.

Knowledge is having the answers, wisdom is knowing when to speak up – This is one I’ll be working on until I’m pushing up daisies. Smart people want to have answers and their tendency is to push their point of view on others. But just because you know something doesn’t mean everyone else needs to know how smart you are. Sometimes the best response is no response at all, or a measured response in a different setting.

Less answers, more questions – As a young consultant I thought my job was to have all the answers and make sure the client knew I had the answers. Over the years I learned that some of the greatest value I provided to my clients was not answers but the sincere, thought-provoking questions I asked. Respectfully asking questions that challenge the status quo or prevailing points of view were key to defining effective solutions. If you’re not good at asking questions, get some coaching and training. The skill of effectively asking questions will pay dividends throughout your career.

Don’t alienate others with your personal points of view – This is particularly important in today’s loose-lipped social media culture. Not everyone shares your point of view on topics like politics, social issues, or religion. Saying things like “unfriend me if you voted for ___” telegraphs how unimportant you consider relationships. Be mindful of what you say and whether you may be inadvertently alienating friends, loved ones, and associates. See this article for more.

Realize the importance of recharging the batteries – Chronically burning the midnight oil and depriving yourself of rest and leisure activities simply isn’t sustainable. I learned this lesson the hard way and was forced to take a leave of absence from my job due to physical and emotional exhaustion. Rather than controlling when I took a time-out myself, it was determined for me. Make rest and leisure a priority, not an after-thought.

Sacrifice now to protect the future – My first job out of college was the first day I started saving for retirement. It was never a question of whether to save. Through the years I made financial choices to save versus buying things I could live without. I fully understand that some people truly live on a minimalist budget and don’t have the resources to put money away for the future. But for every person in this situation there is another who adopts a “live for today” attitude and chooses buying non-essential items over saving for the future. Make saving a priority if at all possible.

Make regret-free family choices – My father died with a lot of regret because he didn’t spend enough time with his kids when they were growing up. He influenced me as a dad to focus on being there for soccer games and school plays. Now that my kids are grown, I can’t imagine the feeling of looking back and saying, “I wish I would have been there for ____.” Don’t make family choices when you’re young that you’ll likely regret when you’re older.

Formulate your legacy statement in your working years – I’ve had a number of discussions with people about the right time to think about their legacy statement. I started formulating mine (To help others to help themselves and not simply enable them) in my early forties. It’s been super helpful to have a clear legacy statement as it not only guides me on what I should focus on as well as what I should not focus on. As example, I do a lot of coaching and mentoring with an up-front understanding that it is my job to help the person help him or herself. He or she needs to put at least as much effort in as I do, or we terminate the relationship. Having a clear legacy statement allows me to say yes or no to things depending on how it aligns with that statement.

Know the difference between calculated risks and reckless risks – I categorize risk-taking as either calculated (alternatives and consequences are understood before taking an action) or reckless (forging ahead without understanding alternatives and consequences). Look, risk taking is a part of life. The question is whether you’ve thought through the alternatives and consequences and know what is likely to happen under each alternative. Make sure to utilize a coach to help validate your thinking.

Run to good opportunities, not away from bad ones – I’ve seen a lot of people make life decisions to leave a bad situation only to go to an even worse situation, then regret it. When you’re evaluating making any life change, consider the pros and cons of each alternative. I have an assessment tool to help you evaluate decisions across nine crucial life elements here.

Understand that business ventures can ruin relationships – I lost my best friend at the time due to a bad business deal. We went into it with the best of intentions, but naively didn’t consider the possible impact to our families if things didn’t work out. It affected not only me, but my wife and kids. If you go into business with a friend, be prepared to lose the friend.

As a young manager, I was involved in a significant crisis which had the attention of not only the partners in the firm but also its CEO. I, like many of my cohorts, was nervous about the crisis, its impact on our clients, and my employment status at the firm. There was a very senior partner who was tasked by the CEO to assume responsibility for navigating the firm through the crisis. It took us a year to work our way out of the crisis; and we all learned some valuable nuggets. I thought I was a good leader before the crisis. Now I realize how naïve I was in my assessing my leadership skills. That experience, while excruciatingly painful, was an inflection point in putting me on the path to becoming a better leader.

As a result of this and other crises I’ve experienced, I’ve learned a number of very valuable tenets that I adhere to when in crisis mode, as follows:

• A leader may not know all the steps to get out of a crisis, but he/she always focuses the team on the end game and what needs to be done next.
• You’re most likely in least-worst alternative mode when evaluating crisis resolution alternatives. It’s not about the best alternative, but the alternative that represents the least amount of loss.
• The leader’s demeanor will permeate the team. If a leader is nervous, the team will be nervous. If a leader is calm and focused, the team will be calm and focused (or at least less nervous).
• Regular, concise, candid communication is paramount. When there are gaps in communication, team members and other stakeholders will write the script in their heads.

Time and time again I’ve seen crises separate great leaders from merely average leaders. If you want to be one who rises to the top of the leadership heap during a crisis, take note of the following tips:

1. Acknowledge the crisis and its consequences – In the heat of a crisis there may be differing views on what the crisis is, whether or not it’s a true crisis, or the consequences of not addressing the crisis. Ensure there’s agreement to avoid the lingering question of what happens if the crisis isn’t addressed.
2. Make sure the right people are working the crisis – Many crisis situations involve pulling people off existing work assignments to work the crisis. There will invariably be pushback, particularly if reassigning someone means another ball might be dropped. Remember, you’re working to the least-worst alternative, and while something else might slip, not addressing the crisis might be worse.
3. Get concurrence on what success looks like – In the heat of a crisis the leader needs to ensure all the right stakeholders have a crisp understanding of what success looks like in addressing the crisis. The greatest success in most cases may mean returning to the status quo prior to the crisis, or to a state with the least amount of loss. Rarely will success mean an improvement to the status quo. It’s important to align everyone’s expectations of success.
4. Drive what/who/when – It’s important to be very precise about what needs to be done, a named person (not TBD or team) accountable for delivery, and a specific date (and time depending on urgency) for completion. Keep a running list of actions, marking them as complete once done. It’s important for the team to see progress and also to highlight where some may be falling down on tasks.
5. Use a calm, authoritative voice – I’ve done this many times during a crisis. When others are running around like headless chickens, a true leader maintains a calm, authoritative demeanor. Nervous team members will react positively to a leader who looks in control and demonstrates clear-headed thinking. Be cautious not to give the impression that you’re like “Nero fiddling while Rome burns.” Demonstrate appropriate urgency, just do it calmly and authoritatively.
6. Replace nervous with focused – During a particularly large crisis where I was driving resolution, I had an executive ask me if I was nervous. I told him, “You pay me to be focused, not nervous.” I’ve heard many leaders through the years use the phrase, “I’m nervous about this” when faced with an uncomfortable situation. Followers don’t want to see you nervous; nervous people tend to do irrational things. Take the term nervous out of your vocabulary and replace it with focused.
7. Secure the next reconvene to follow up on actions – As I said, a great leader always knows what to do next. Ensure there is a very timely follow-up where the team reconvenes to review actions and assess next steps. While the reconvene rhythm may change as the crisis is worked, there should always be a “Let’s meet up again at (date/time).”
8. Set up a situation room – Designate a place either physically or virtually where people can go to see outstanding action items and team members can work (if appropriate). It’s also good for you as a leader to hang out in the situation room periodically to demonstrate to the rest of the team that you’re in it with them.
9. Establish a regular, concise and candid communication rhythm – Depending on the pervasiveness of the crisis, ensure there is a communication plan of who needs to be informed, what they need to know, the frequency of communication. and the medium (email, meeting, etc.).
10. Realistically inspire the team – In the early stages of a crisis, people need reassurance from the leader that they’ll get through the crisis. What’s important here is to be realistic in your reassurance. While there may be some carnage left in the crisis’ wake, acknowledge that things are going to be tough, but the team needs to stick together and work the problem. Inspire the team, but realistically acknowledge the situation.
11. Solve the problem first, assess accountability for the problem later – When a crisis emerges, many will start finger-pointing at who they think is responsible. While it’s important to understand root causes of a problem and put things in place to avoid it happening later, wasting time pointing fingers while the crisis rages on is not the time to do it. Get clarity on the crisis, what success looks like, and what needs to be done first. Once the flames have subsided, focus on accountability and corrective actions.

Hey crises happen. Next time one rears its ugly head be the calmest one in the room and put these leadership actions in place to navigate through the crisis.

Recently I wrote an article about creating a sustained lifestyle. In the article I introduced a concept which contrasts achievement (doing something meaningful that accomplishes a desired result which gives you joy) and stress (the degree of mental, physical, or emotional strain undertaken to achieve a desired result). In the model I define four different lifestyles driven by achievements and stress, as follows:

• A frustration lifestyle is the result of high stress accompanied by low achievement. Think burning the midnight oil on projects that get cancelled last-minute or never used.
• A boredom lifestyle is the result of low stress accompanied by low achievement. Think getting up every morning with nothing to do.
• A burnout lifestyle is the result of high stress accompanied by high achievement. Think successive strategic projects with demanding customers, a dysfunctional team, and irrational management.
• A sustained lifestyle is the result of low stress accompanied by high achievement. Think volunteering for a cause you’re passionate about on your work terms.

As I’ve thought more about the achievement/stress concept, it’s occurred to me that the push-pull of achievements and stress apply to more than a person’s career or vocation. It can apply to elements such as family relationships, health, and finances. You can have high achievement/low stress in your career, but if you have low achievement/high stress in another area of your life, your overall contentment level is adversely impacted. It’s not enough to manage achievement and stress only in your career or vocation; it needs to be managed in other areas of your life as well. Given so, I adapted the good-enough contentment model I created for my Nine Crucial Elements to Achieve Good-Enough Contentment book to include achievement and stress as driving factors. I tested the model on myself (I ate my own dogfood as we like to say at Microsoft) and was surprised at the clarity I found in defining what good-enough contentment means to me. So, here’s the revised model, explained step-by-step:

• In the good-enough contentment model, there are nine crucial life elements that holistically reflect a person’s life, as follows:
  • Career Contentment - How content you are in your current and future career potential
  • Family Contentment - How content you are with your family life
  • Health Contentment - How content you are in your physical and mental health
  • Friendship Contentment - How content you are with relationships built and maintained with friends and loved ones
  • Financial Contentment - How content you are in your current and future financial status
  • Leisure Contentment - How content you are with quality time spent on leisurely activities
  • Spiritual Contentment - How content you are with your spiritual life
  • Giving Contentment - How content you are with your pay-it-forward giving
  • Legacy Contentment - How content you are with the legacy you are leaving behind should you die today
• In column A, indicate the importance to you for each contentment element:
  • Extremely Important
  • Very Important
  • Somewhat Important
  • Not so important
  • Not at all important
• In column B, note for each contentment element when you feel a sense of achievement. For example, in the Giving Contentment element you may feel the greatest sense of achievement when you are able to see first-hand when someone’s life situation improves when you’ve given your time or money to help that person.
• In column C, note for each contentment element when you feel stressed. For example, in the Health Contentment element you may feel stressed when you weigh yourself and see you’ve gained ten unwanted pounds.
• In column D, write an honest statement of what your contentment goal is for each element, taking into account how you maximize achievements listed in column B and minimize stress listed in column C.
• In column E, define specific actions for each element you need to take to get from your current state to your contentment goal in column D.

As you work through this model there are a few considerations for you to ponder:

• Focus on the extremely and very important elements - You can certainly have goals for all the areas, but don’t spend time on an element that is less important at the expense of one more important to you.
• Be ambitiously realistic - Create goals and actions that are within reach and challenge you, but be careful about putting things down that deep you down know you’ll never achieve.
• Be brutally honest with yourself – If building a legacy isn’t important to you then say so. The goal isn’t to make every element important, but to consider each element then make the conscious decision whether it is important to you.
• Recognize that priorities change over time – As you get older, some elements that you felt weren’t important may now be much more so. I’ve certainly found that elements like legacy, giving, friendships, and leisure are more important to me now than when I was in my twenties.

Maximizing achievements and minimizing stress across your life is critical to achieving good-enough contentment. Take some time to download the model and go through the exercise. Private message me with your thoughts!

On the 1980s HBO show Not Necessarily the News, comedian Rich Hall created Sniglets, which dictionary.com defines as “any word coined for something that has no specific name. Words like Jokesult (When someone insults you, you call them on it, and they say, "It was just a joke.”) and Chwads (discarded gum found beneath tables and countertops) were born to humorously explain commonplace things or actions. I’ve created 20 of my own project management and leadership sniglets; some made up words, others repurposed words or phrases. I hope they resonate with you and put a bit of humor in your day.

• ProcrastiCrisis - When a chronic procrastinator creates a last-minute crisis for others to meet a deadline.
• Love Bombing - When nervous execs take up all your time trying to help a project manager on a project in trouble. 
• SME Leakage - When subject matter experts (SMEs) leave a project, and their expertise walks away with them.
• Go Fetch Delegation - When a manager delegates a small task, the follower executes, then the follower waits for the next task to be delegated. 
• Sleeping Bagger - When someone takes pride in working around the clock during a crisis. 
• Pontifiwaster - The person in a meeting who talks a lot but contributes nothing to the meeting purpose. 
• Surprise Party - When a project manager blindsides his manager with bad news about a project in a public setting.
• MinMute - On an online meeting or conference call, the quiet time between when someone is asked a question and he says, "Sorry, I was on mute.”
• MuteCop - The person on an online meeting or conference call who chronically tells others to mute themselves. 
• Instant LinkPitch - The person who connects with you on LinkedIn and immediately pitches you on his products.
• Fauxback - When someone asks you for feedback then argues with you about it.   
• FuzzyDater - The project manager who chronically uses “ASAP” or “TBD” when specifying a due date for a task.   
• ZoomPooper - The person who uses the bathroom while his/her camera is still on.
• ZoomPeeker - The person on an online meeting who looks like he/she is peering over a fence.   
• ZoomMuteLooper - The person on an online meeting or conference call who repeatedly hits the mic button to try and unmute him/herself. 
• ZoomWheezer - The un-muted heavy breather on an online meeting or conference call.   
• FeatureSneaker - The person who tries to get last-minute features added to a solution.   
• ScopeNoper - The project manager who always says “no” to any changes in scope.   
• NonSor - A project sponsor who never shows up.   
• GraveDigger - The project manager who keeps giving bad answers at exec briefings.

Have any of your own? Send them on to me!

In 2004, I left Microsoft so Patty and I could homeschool our son Trevor. He was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder at age five, and we decided as he was entering seventh grade that he would need more help than what his public school could offer. I was his math and science teacher for two years until he re-entered public school in ninth grade. After my homeschooling stint, I decided to focus on writing and consulting, and later Patty and I starting a publishing business. From that point until now, I have regularly been asked if I’m “retired.” At first, I would respond with a strong “no” due to my opinion that retirees spend their days on the golf course or playing bridge. Over time, though, I recognized I had to come up with a better description of what I do as a profession. It’s not a choice of either the golf course or the 8-to-5 grind. For me, it’s something I call sustained lifestyle.

So, what’s sustained lifestyle? Here’s the definition, then we’ll unpack it:

Sustained lifestyle is when you have a high sense of achievement accompanied by a low degree of stress, making it something you can sustain for a long time.

First let’s talk about achievement. This is about doing something meaningful that accomplishes a desired result which gives you joy. It could be delivering a project on time, helping people in need, or coaching lesser experienced professionals. It’s about getting something done that matters to you and seeing the fruits of your labor.

Next is stress. This is the degree of mental, physical or emotional strain undertaken to achieve a desired result. Delivering a project on time with high-pressure executive meetings, project team infighting, and an unreasonable customer is much more taxing than one with cooperative execs, project team members, and customers. The end result is a completed project, but the execution was like pedaling uphill in tenth gear.

When stress and achievement are combined in the context of lifestyle, one of the four results are realized:

A frustration lifestyle is the result of high stress accompanied by low achievement. Think burning the midnight oil on projects that get cancelled last-minute or never used.

A boredom lifestyle is the result of low stress accompanied by low achievement. Think getting up every morning with nothing to do.

A burnout lifestyle is the result of high stress accompanied by high achievement. Think successive strategic projects with demanding customers, a dysfunctional team, and irrational management.

A sustained lifestyle is the result of low stress accompanied by high achievement. Think volunteering for a cause you’re passionate about on your work terms.

Now don’t get me wrong; I’m in no way saying that a sustained lifestyle means no stress. There are certainly things in life that crop up and cause great stress. However, a sustained lifestyle gives you margin to handle unexpected stress more effectively than if your stress bucket were already full.

Here are eight tips to create a sustained lifestyle that’s enjoyable and fulfilling for you:

1. Run to a vocation – Creating a sustained lifestyle entails having a post-career plan that you work to once you’ve left your job. The plan could be to discover your sustained lifestyle vocation or, if you already know what you want to do, how to make that sustained lifestyle a reality. Painting a picture in your head of what it will look like will help you get excited about giving it life.
2. Be clear on your decision criteria – Deciding on what your sustained lifestyle looks like means being very honest with yourself on your decision criteria. Is a continued income important or necessary? Will you need something that continues to feed your ego? Is the flexibility to say no to things important? No right or wrong answers on the criteria, but be deliberate about defining it. This Excel-based assessment tool will help you think about your criteria using nine crucial contentment elements. 
3. Make each day purposeful – I have a theme for each weekday that focuses on some aspect of my vocation; Monday is Amazon book ads day; Tuesday is article writing day (Yes, I’m writing this article on a Tuesday.); Wednesday is mentoring day, etc. While I may move things around based on schedules, I know what my core activities will be on each day of the week.
4. Agree on the guiding principles with your spouse/partner – Patty and I have several guiding principles on our sustained lifestyle, the most important being the freedom to do what we want from wherever we want. We enjoy travel and regularly do winter treks to warmer weather. We can continue publishing books and I can write regardless of where we are. Having an understanding between you and your spouse/partner about what is important and what you want to protect is crucial to a happy sustained lifestyle.
5. Have at least one goal you’re working toward – After my father-in-law sold his locksmith business, he took on other hobbies which kept him growing, most notably photography. Having goals not only keeps you learning, but also satisfies the need for a sense of accomplishment.
6. Be accountable – I am a member of a men’s business group that meets twice a month. Three of us want to drop some extra pounds, so we agreed that before each meeting we will share our current weight with each other. It’s amazing how much more I think about what I consume because I don’t want to report poor progress to my colleagues. Having accountability to someone else helps you focus on your goal and work harder to achieve it.  
7. Be mindful about what stresses you out – Keeping a wide distance between achievement and stress means being honest with yourself about what stresses you out and putting things in place to keep stress to a minimum. Know your stressors and keep them in check.
8. Create a comfortable space – I have a standup desk in our den with three monitors and a large screen TV on the wall. Every morning, after getting my first cup of coffee, I go to my workstation and use it throughout the day. It’s a very comfortable setup that I enjoy and don’t mind spending time at.

Whether you’re at retirement age, close to it, or merely thinking about it, keep the concept of a sustained lifestyle front and center. Think high achievement and low stress.