What did you learn last year?

It’s a simple enough question, and it would be easy to answer it with, “Well, I learned a lot!”

But I’d like you to get more specific. What’s something specific you learned in the last 12 months that either you didn’t know before or you had to re-learn?

What comes to mind?

The Value of Experience

After working with over 200 executive coaching clients, I’ve noticed experience can sometimes lead to complacency. Someone with 20 years of experience may actually only have one year of experience repeated 20 times. They’re living off what they learned years ago.

Certainly, experience has great advantages. When I step onto a plane, I often look into the cockpit and hope to see gray hair or no hair! I’ll gladly take the pilot who has flown for 25 years over a 25 year old.

Why? They’ve been there before. They’ve flown through that situation countless times. They recognize situations more quickly and know instinctively how to react. Experience brings a level of competence and confidence that is difficult to learn from a book or simulator.

And the Curse

Yet could it be that experience is also a curse? For example, is it possible we might too quickly assume that past patterns apply to a current situation? Could it be that we discount signals indicating something is different and thus miss a better solution?

Could it be that, with experience, our motivation wanes because the challenges just aren’t there anymore? Could it be that we are tempted to increasingly defend our territory instead of seek out new lands?

The Rookie Mindset

Liz Wiseman suggests in her latest book that learning beats knowing in the new game of work. In Rookie Smarts, she presses the notion that we best serve our careers and organizations when we commit to being perpetual rookies.

How? One idea is to disqualify yourself. This means you should seek out a role that you aren’t completely qualified to do. This could be a new domain, a broader role, or a stretch project. But the point is to force yourself into a zone where you only have a 50%-70% likelihood of success. Harvard researcher David McClelland suggests your motivation is highest in that range.

Of course that advice sounds wonderful, in theory, but mortgage companies like to receive checks each month. Disqualifying ourselves feels risky. I asked Liz about that in a recent discussion. Her response was intriguing.

Could it be that by stretching ourselves into these rookie situations, we actually set ourselves up for future mortgage payments? Sure, there’s some risk today, which is why our motivation peaks. But her point is that by continually learning, we better enable ourselves to be relevant and valuable in the future (as opposed to slowly atrophying in our aging knowledge base).

Since learning about McClelland's research on motivation a couple years ago, I've taken on some engagements that I might normally have declined. In nearly every situation, the results far exceeded my initial expectations and many of those led to new offerings and opportunities. For the record, I'm still more comfortable with a 70% likelihood of success than 50%! But by demonstrating a willingness to stretch, we force ourselves to learn and innovate. And the result can be opportunity.

Eric Hoffer observed that “in times of profound change, the learners inherit the earth while the learned find themselves beautifully equipped to deal with a world that no longer exists.”

Are You The Learner or the Learned?

So, let’s bring this back to the original question: What did you learn last year?

I asked that question to a range of leadership and project management thought leaders to see how they would answer. I encourage you to ask it not only of yourself but also of those around you.

How about this? Please leave a comment below with a specific lesson you learned in the last year. Your response will inspire me and others here to keep learning.

If you struggle to come up with a specific answer for yourself, use the question as a catalyst to make this a year where you’re back in the rookie seat. 

“Watch out for Susan. She pretends to be nice then blindsides you every chance she gets. It’s always all about her. Don’t trust her.”

It was my first week at a new company. I was a newly hired IT leader being warned by a colleague about my peer on the Marketing side of the house. My initial meetings with Susan seemed cordial enough, but the warning remained ominous. When would the daggers start flying?

Identifying Your Stakeholders

Identifying project stakeholders is a critically important step in getting from idea to delivery. Assuming your project will deliver real value to people, there will likely be many stakeholders excited about your project. Some will be neutral—neither for nor against your project. And then there will be the Susans. She represents those stakeholders who can be obstacles to your project success.

Some obstacle stakeholders remain in hiding until they sense their opportunity to pounce. Others are right out in the open. Their intentions of derailing your project are clear.

Strategies for Challenging Stakeholders

When a key stakeholder does not support your project, I suggest your goals should be to either Win them or Neutralize their impact. That does not mean neutralize in the sense of employing a mafia hit man! Rather, your goal is to avoid writing them off, so to speak. When someone is an obstacle, it can be tempting to respond in ways that make it even more difficult to gain their support.

Here are some strategies to consider:

Take it as a challenge. How you think about the other person will make all the difference. Since I was warned about Susan before even meeting her, my viewpoint was already painted in a negative light. Taking your equivalent of Susan as a challenge requires us to re-frame how we look at the situation. What if you forced yourself to look at their lack of support as a challenge? What if you could turn them into an ally? This doesn’t mean they need to become a best friend. But getting them off the enemy list could be a great place to start.

At the age of 16 my son Zach had the opportunity to train with a semi-pro soccer team. When Zach showed up for the first practice donning his keeper jersey and gloves, teammates warned him about the starting goalkeeper, Rick. As it turns out, Rick had a reputation for being tough on rookies. When Zach approached the veteran keeper, Rick blurted out, “What are you doing here?” Zach flashed a big smile and replied, “I’m here to learn from you!” Zach made it clear he wasn’t there to diminish Rick’s dominance as the starting keeper. From that moment on, something clicked between the two of them, leading to a season that Zach will never forget.

It may not be possible to change the “Rick” and "Susan" in your project life. But is it possible to look at them differently? The mindset change can provide the extra motivation and positive intent that can fuel the energy to at least try to win them over.

Do your homework. Every stakeholder is unique. Research consistently finds you are more likely to influence someone if you customize your approach to the other person. By doing your homework, you are better aware of what they really need, their hot buttons, and preferences.

Susan liked to be in charge. She liked to sit at the head of the table. She avoided widely swinging emotions. She liked to think of herself as being rather technical. Learning about her preferences informed me on what to expect in meetings and how to best interact with her.

Here’s another example. I once collaborated with an airline executive who had a particular bias that it was unprofessional to show up for a meeting without pen and paper. Despite the near ubiquity of tablets and other electronics for note taking, she strongly felt that you are signaling irresponsibility if you came to a meeting unequipped with a writing instrument and paper. After this bias came out in my homework about her, you can bet I showed up with pen and paper proudly in hand when I met with her!

Some executives look at a polished slide deck as a sign of a well-prepared presentation. Others want you to roll up your sleeves and draw things out on a whiteboard. Some want to see detailed project plans. Others want it on one page.

My point is that if you do your homework, you will gain insights on how to best prepare for your interactions with the stakeholder. Since your access to the stakeholder may be limited, consider soliciting advice and insight from existing allies who might better know the stakeholder.

Keep them in the loop. When dealing with a difficult stakeholder, it can be tempting to spend as little time with them as possible.  We might want to treat them with similar disrespect as they treat us.

But that approach will not likely serve the best interests of you and your project. It can certainly stretch a project manager’s patience to deal with stakeholders who are considered obstacles. However, it’s important to respectfully communicate with intent. Keep them informed. Take the high road, remaining respectful in your interactions regardless of how they treat you. The high road is almost always the path to a successful outcome.

Listen to them. I'm convinced that an enormous amount of conflict is caused by people who are not listening to each other. Donny Ebenstein, author of I Hear You, recommends you listen so well that you can tell their version of the story as well as they can. There's a reason behind the behavior. If you listen close enough, you can learn the story they are telling themselves about the project. You don't have to agree with their version of the story, but if you listen close enough, it might explain some of their obstacle behavior.

Stay near. As Sun-tzu wisely said, “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.” Though it’s generally not productive to consider stakeholders as enemies, the point is to stay sufficiently in touch that you aren’t blindsided by them.

Instead of avoiding a meeting because a challenging stakeholder will be there, Dr. Nick Morgan suggests that you show up and sit down right next to the difficult person. Why? People will say things in an e-mail that they won’t say face-to-face (it’s called the online disinhibition effect). Your presence may make them think twice about spewing derogatory statements about your project. But even if the challenging person disparages you or your project during the meeting, you are there to provide perspective.

Escalate when necessary. If the stakeholder issue is causing your project to delay, you may need to escalate. Dr. Allan Cohen, author of Influence Without Authority, recommends you never blind-side someone by escalating an issue without a warning. For example, "We need to resolve this by Friday. Otherwise the project will slip, which means I will need to escalate it to the sponsor." Escalation need not be your first strategy, but it may be one you need to employ after unsuccessfully trying to resolve the issues yourself. 

Susan never became a great friend. And we certainly had disagreements along the way. But were able to work together once I learned how to manage her. I encourage you to try one or more of these strategies out on your “Susan”. Let me know how it goes!

What additional advice do you have for dealing with stakeholders who are obstacles?

In life there are written and unwritten rules. For example, consider the nearest highway to you right now. What is the written rule for the speed limit? (I realize this may be a challenging question you!)

OK, now let me ask you this: how fast can you really go without getting a ticket?

Certainly the answer can vary by country, for there are plenty of nations around the world where there are not stated speed limits let alone enforcement. On one trip outside of Nairobi I'm not even sure we were on a road! But for the sake of this illustration, let's assume a locale with speed limits and police who issue fines for violating those limits.

In your experience, how far can you press down the accelerator without being pulled over?

In the United States, an unwritten rule of driving is “Go with the flow of traffic.” If the written speed limit is 65 miles per hour but the flow of traffic is 80, you're not likely to be fined. It's an unwritten rule.

Another unwritten rule is “5 you're alive, 9 you're mine!” If you’re only going 5 miles per hour over the speed limit you're probably safe, regardless of the flow of traffic. If you're 9 or more miles per hour over the limit, your risk of getting a ticket goes way up.

(For the record, don't send me any e-mails if you get pulled over for speeding! Showing the officer this post will not help!)

Rules of the Road (On the Water)

Here's another example. I'm a hack sailor, which means I talk about sailing more than I do it. There are written and unwritten rules on the water as well. The written rule, at least in the United States, is that a boat under power is supposed to give way to a boat under sail. It's the responsibility of the powerboat to adjust their course.

But what do you think the unwritten rule might be? Let's say I'm in a little sailboat off the shores of Lake Michigan, the largest body of water near my home in Chicago. Let's further say that as I'm cruising along I'm heading straight for a giant oil tanker that's a half mile away but steaming my direction. What should I do? Should I pick up the radio and suggest that the captain of the tanker give way?

Absolutely not! The unwritten rule of sailing is that the biggest one wins! It's about tonnage! I drop the radio and change my heading!

The Rules at Work

This phenomenon can be seen at work as well. A written rule from your PMO might be “We follow this process.” The unwritten rule might be “Get it done on time and we're all good!”

A written rule might be “You need this executive's sign-off to proceed.” The unwritten rule could be, “She really listens to these two people. Get their buy-in and it's a done deal.”

This concept of written and unwritten rules is critical for project managers to understand because the unwritten rules always win. Where the gap between them is biggest, things feel political because we say one thing but reward the other. If you're in a leadership role, consider this as a challenge: where are the gaps between the written and unwritten rules in our organization? What can we do to close those gaps?

How This Applies to Projects

The PMBOK® Guide lays out globally accepted standards for how to manage projects. Perhaps your organization has binders of templates and methodologies, providing guidance on how you should document and navigate your projects. Those are the written rules.

But let me be clear: you also have unwritten rules. Start watching and you'll discover them lurking just below the surface like a shark we thought was just a shadow.

Learn the written rules. They are important to understand. But you must take the time to identify and understand the unwritten rules in your organization. Because they always win.

What are some of the unwritten rules you've observed in your career?

NOTE: I was first introduced to the idea of written and unwritten rules by a book published back in 1994. If you can find a copy, consider reading Peter Scott-Morgan’s book The Unwritten Rules of the Game: Master Them, Shatter Them, and Break Through the Barriers to Organizational Change.

"PMBOK" is a trademark of the Project Management Institute, Inc. which is registered in the United States and other nations.