Servant Leadership: Serve to Be Great

“Because I said so…”. This is a “powerful” sentence that (almost) every child has heard at least once. When they are criticized, misunderstood or just denied of what they want (with no explanation whatsoever), a child’s first impulse is either to dissolve into tears and/or to push back, puffing and woofing angrily towards the “repressor/enemy” (usually an adult). They want to show that they are in pain (psychologically) and frustrated.

But when you are 4 or 5 or 7 years old, it’s almost impossible to describe eloquently your state of mind, your emotions. It’s much easier to display them. This is why, in those particular moments, children begin to shout, whimper or scream. They actually begin to (what psychologist call) act-out (their feelings/emotions/ frustrations).

And guess what? In the adult world, it’s almost the same.

As adults, we learn to restrain (even repress) ourselves from physically exhibiting our (deep) emotions. We try to explain them, rationalise them as much as possible. However, as soon as somebody is “pushing” (harder) our buttons, we tend to return to our inner (indignant) child. We sulk, puff and woof, retreating from that conversation or, quite the opposite, retaliating in a strong, powerful manner. And, more often than we think, we want  to protect ourselves by being more offensive. Instead of understanding our fears, insecurities and self-doubts, we block them and, most importantly, we turn them back on our opponent/”enemy”.

Didn’t you feel, after a dense, heated conversation and after you had time to cool off, that you might have just overreacted? That some of the actions you took and/or replies you uttered seemed (after you cooled off) exaggerated and inflamed considering the light weight of the topic itself?

That’s because you acted-out your state of mind. In that particular moment, the anger you  experienced came from the fear that you will not get what you need/want, that you are not loved, not respected, not included/accepted by the group.  

Isn’t that exactly how it was when we were kids, only with more psychological “baggage” accumulated over the years? We are adults now, we can be angry and fight back with more power and more means. We can win this one - not like when we were kids.

Oh, this is such an illusion…

Now, imagine all of these for an individual in a leadership position. The number of threats and (possible) conflicts rise exponentially. Higher expectations and greater ambition bring an increased level of stress and anxiety. All of the repressed fears, emotions find an easier way to surface and the individual (the leader?!?) is more prone to act-out in difficult times such as short deadlines, conflicting teams, disgruntled employees, stressful projects and more. Just like in childhood, acting-out brings (most of the time) many disadvantages and problems in any human relation.

Obviously, we wonder if we can avoid these situations as much as possible or, at least, reduce their probability. It’s hard to give a recipe for such a complex psychological matter.

However, I would venture a guess and offer three key elements that, in my opinion, any individual should focus on if she/he wants to be a better person (and, consequently, a better leader). As a side note - these are also core elements of servant leadership and promoted as such.

1. Self-awareness -  we need to know who we are. We have to understand our fears, our regrets and our insecurities. If it’s not possible to solve them, we have to, at least, learn how to cope with them. Most of the conflicts and harmed relationships come from projecting our raw “bad” emotions onto the “opponent”, emotions usually coming from unresolved (childhood) issues (lack of love, rejection, feelings of not being valued, etc.). . Getting to know all of these and understanding them will bring the necessary balance for us to exist and perform in an efficient and effective manner.

2. Collaboration - we are not alone. There is too much self-centeredness among individuals. Everyone wants to protect - at all costs - his/her “self-interest”. The laws of physics are pretty clear - pressure equals force divided by area. So, as soon as the “area” is smaller, the pressure gets bigger. Dealing with all the external “forces” alone (unrealistic deadlines, low budgets, bad bosses etc.) will bring too much pressure on the individual, making her/him prone to cave. Having a team with whom to collaborate will deflect the pressure to a larger area, making it more bearable and easier to handle.

3. Vulnerability - we are not Supermen or Superwomen. Usually, anger comes as a means of protecting your vulnerabilities . Learning how to “let go”, be open, and divulging your feelings is a huge step. In the last century, we encouraged rationality while we tried to avoid anything that cannot be explained scientifically (like emotions or pain). Therefore, any “wounds” that don’t have a tangible cause (such as  from a lack of love or respect) are avoided or “treated” superficially. And these are the “wounds” that last and affect every aspect of our lives.

This is only the tip of the iceberg, I am sure. Emotions, sensations, feelings, fears:  all of them are part of a “world” that constitutes the foundation of any relationship;  being personal or professional. Therefore, we must not ignore them but try to understand and have them work for our benefit as individuals, especially, for the ones aspiring to lead.

To be the leader everyone expects today, we need to heal the “wounds” from yesterday or, at least,  acknowledge and start working on them. And this is the toughest leadership decision that any of us wishing to lead has to make.

Are you up for it?

The word “servant” triggers (in many situations) goose-bumps on individuals aspiring to be leaders. We are wired to perceive it as a “status-reducing” label, as a way to mark the limits for a second-class role (or, even worse, an individual). Associating it with strong, powerful noun - like leadership or leader - doesn’t make it better.

In fact, in this case - servant leadership or servant leader - the term “servant” (officially, a noun) is perceived more like an adjective, diminishing the force of its more famous associate. I always look at people’s faces when this topic is brought to the table. I actually started a little experiment.  When asked about what I am most passionate about and what my favourite speaking topic is, I answer first with “I am really into [or] I really like to speak about leadership…”. My conversational partner’s face lights up (“Oh, another one…” - he might be thinking) and he asks - ready to share and engage in a small debate - “What kind of leadership?”.

As soon as the “infamous” association - servant leadership - leaves my mouth, the just-created magic disappears. I can see disorientation and confusion in my interlocutor’s eyes. The comfortable smile is replaced by a suspicious scowl and, most probably, questions start popping into his or her mind - “What the hell is this? You are either a servant, or a leader. Are you mocking me?”

The reduction-effect of “servant” upon “leadership” - which I described earlier - is almost instantaneously present. Everybody loves Leadership and are willing to talk about this “amazing, sensible and always up-to date” topic. We need leaders and leadership. They are vital for our success, for our well-being, for our society. But...Servant Leadership? Servant Leaders? It seems to degrade the powerful noun.... leadership - as we were wired to perceive it.

We put our leaders on a really high pedestal. Even if they don’t want to be there, we elevate them. In many situations, this is the only way we can see (as in “perceive”) them as leaders. We need to see them at any moment, to have them in front, (literally) leading the way. Our leaders have to pull us and help us achieve a strong pace to the target. Otherwise, they are not the leaders we expected, the leaders who can take us there no matter what. How can we trust a leader who is actually behind us, gently pushing, not pulling and, most of all, serving us?

The way I see it, this sorry situation is triggered by two main factors:

1. Our human wiring triggers our constant need to win. We have to prove that we are better than the other person, we have to be the alpha dog (as individuals, as teams, as countries etc.). And this can be proven easily just by taking a quick look around us - in our history, in our schools, in our companies. But, in order to win, we need...a strong leader. Actually, we need her or him to be stronger (more powerful) than the other leaders. And this seems impossible when she or he exhibits servant characteristics like humility, kindness, patience, forgiveness etc. Where is the power in these?

2. We tend to trust our vision more than any other feeling.Therefore, it’s not enough to know that there is somebody there who has our back. We need to see him or her. That leader placed in front makes us feel protected. The group (by itself) might not be trustworthy. However, having the leader take control and direct/impose the way forward makes us feel safe (mainly, because we can see him or her there, in front, exuding power). How can we “feel safe” when we hear Servant Leadership principles like trusting the group, bearing others’ interests in mind, using the “force” of the group and making sure that we all reach our destination, while our understated leader exercises authority (not power) somewhere from behind the group and not in front?

        As I recall, coming back to my little experiment, no conversation about Servant Leadership ends up in a dull, boring way. The majority of my interlocutors smile politely and either change the subject or excuse themselves, leave or engage in another conversation. I get it - we might not be ready for this. Re-wiring our brains can be hard and takes a long time.

    However, I have seen individuals (it’s true, just a small percent) who were stirred and intrigued by the whole idea. Something sparked behind their eyes - maybe just enough to kick-off an internal revolution. This kind of “inception” is the one I am counting on. This is the one bringing more selflessness and less selfishness, more trust, more community and less individuality, more authority and so on and so forth.

We can be both “servants” and “leaders” - we need only to feel we have the freedom and encouragement to be a leader - a Servant Leader - to recognize that spark in ourselves.

European Soccer Championship ended recently. Leaving aside the flashy shows and the mediocre organisation, I was really puzzled by the difference in several teams’ behaviors. And this is not about their (sometimes boring) technical performance. This is, actually, related more to the (so-called) soft, human side of their achievements.

Let me tell a short story. More than 15 years ago during another European Championship, one of the qualified team was excluded (the name is not important) due to some political issues. . Officials replaced them with a runner up team from the qualifying stages. These guys were already on vacation, enjoying (literally) a really hot summer at the beach. They managed to get together in an unbelievably short period of time. But, their main goal for the Championship was basically to not make a fool of themselves. They had almost no training, they barely assembled a team of twenty young and not so famous players and, at the same time, they were tired after a very long season.

The first match was a disaster. They were butchered by the opposing team and showed a lot of weaknesses. Everybody was laughing and gave them no chances of winning even one game. But, they actually did it: they won the next one. And the next one. And the next one. And so the pattern continued.. They made it into the finals and...won the Championship! I repeat - with almost no training or practice games, with the smallest team of all teams in the competition and, most surprisingly, with young and obscure players. They managed to go against many odds and beat teams with a lot of notorious and famous members.

Many experts dissected and tried to explain this unforeseen success. Motivation, team spirit, strong desire - these were a few of the critical factors that were pushed as the foundation of the outsiders’ winning strategy. However, for me, something was missed or, at least, less explored. It’s related again to motivation and I saw it againat the recently-ended Championship.

The specialists credit as favorites for winning the tournament the teams with the biggest number of famous, skilled players. As soon as a national team has a lot of well-known, valuable players who won many international competitions (with their club team), it is automatically considered powerful and ready to win. Still, nobody is wondering if the team members can still be motivated and engaged.

They have everything - money, fame, prizes. They even won (take Spain example) a European and a World Championship. Even more, they come after long seasons, they want vacation and a large part of them are almost at the end of their prestigious career.

What strategy should the coach use in order to make that interior “engine” run one more time? “Money and fame” means little to these players. Transferring to another team? 90% of them already play or played at the biggest soccer clubs around the world. So, is there anything that can move them?

I could find only one answer - servant leadership. Helping others to grow, inspiring people, becoming appreciated and caring leaders - these might be (probably) the only triggers that would work in this situation. For mature, great players, the possibility of being servant leaders would ignite a big internal “fire”. They already have the tangible. They need the inner, intangible push in order to feel motivated. Hailing their authority (and not the power) will bring the desired thirst for fighting and winning every match again.

It might not be the only solution. But, we definitely should try it. I am pretty confident that we will move from “I need to be here” to “I want to be here” attitude. And then, for sure, we will have a more interesting tournament. Do you agree?

I was thinking the other day about a seminar I went to a number of years ago.  It was about presenting to groups of people and the best approaches to take.  It was a two day crash course in learning techniques -  the ins and outs of using MS PowerPoint to the best of its ability and how to find ways to keep the audience engaged.  It was enlightening to me to find so many areas that I could improve upon with simple changes or modifications to how I already present.  I must admit that I still need lots of practice, but it was a great start.  It helped me present at a PMI LIM conference in Vancouver.  It has enabled me to realize that I can constantly tweak my approach in order to better present the material, whether it’s a slideshow or computer-based training.

Another part of the presentation that they gave to us was the margin of error between 1^st and 2^nd place in a number of areas is usually under 2%.  Let me try to give an explanation of what they meant by 2%.  If you are providing a bid for a job it is more than likely going to come down to a 2% difference between the group that won the job and the runner-up.  As you watch the Olympics this summer the difference between a Gold Medal and Silver Medal in swimming events or track and field events is going to be less than a 2% variance.  So, why do I think about the 2% very often?  Well, in the business realm I equate it to a number of areas.

As leaders and/or project managers, we are likely going to be involved in putting together a proposal or presenting the proposal to a client.  This is where the 2% can help you.  Take a third or fourth look at the proposal package and see if there are areas to improve.  I think you will be surprised at how many things can be improved upon with only slight modifications and not take too much more of your time.

However, some of the improvements will not be so obvious.  I think that sometimes we get into a routine where training, while extremely important, can be perceived as time consuming or taking away from where the “money is made”.

Let me address the word training to perhaps get you to think about it in a different light.  If you are a novice athlete, or perhaps you like to follow a favorite professional athlete, you will find that training for a soccer game may not involve a soccer field and in some cases may not even involve a soccer ball.  Athletes train for a sporting event by doing other things.  Some may choose to run or lift weights to get in shape, some may choose to study film or notes on the opponent before facing them, and others may even play a different sport altogether in order to work muscle groups that aren’t part of the sport they compete in.

Now, let’s compare that same approach to business.  If you are a project manager, it may help you to read books and attend training sessions on project management, but it also can’t hurt to try to cross-train your mind and take a leadership course or even an administrative course to brush up on typing skills.  For me, I am constantly looking to cross-train in a multitude of areas.  By education, I have my Bachelor’s Degree and Professional Engineering License in Civil/Environmental Engineering, but I found early on in my career that I constantly liked to learn new things so I decided to jump into consulting roles in various areas,  most of which had nothing to do with my formal education. I loved it and once I took the jump I felt comfortable in my surroundings and could make a positive contribution.  I also realized that cross-training helped me find ways of understanding the many facets of things.  Now, the cross-training that I did in those situations was long-term and obviously took time to accomplish great things.  However, there are quicker, easier ways to improve.  For example, every few weeks I jump onto an app that pulls all types of articles and stories from various magazines and websites.  I always am able to find great articles by a variety of authors and save them on our company’s shared drive for everyone to view.  These articles range in topics from leadership, to self-improvement, and even as far-fetched as lifehacks for around the house or office.

It’s amazing to me that going to a two-day seminar for presentations would lead to so many future changes in my career -  and even my life for that matter.  I guess it was all about how they took the extra 2% in how they presented to get me hooked on improving, I find if I constantly try to reach for areas where I can improve, I will always be striving to be on the top of the 2% variance and not wishing I had done more after the fact.  What are some things you do to improve and/or to stay on top in your position?

I was fortunate to begin my career on the most expensive highway project in the United States, The Central Artery/Tunnel Project (also referred to by the Boston locals as the Big Dig).  For those that don’t know, this was a mega-project in Boston that rerouted the major Interstate from above ground to below ground.  The final costs to complete exceeded $16 Billion.  Indeed, with a project of this size there was bound to be at least some problems.  Most of these issues led to escalating costs, schedule issues, and questionable execution.  However, after all was said and done, it has led to much more enjoyable harbor front views, public parks and allowed the interstate to run underground throughout the city.  Back then, I had very little appreciation for what I was learning and what I was a part of.

When I started working, I had an eyes wide open approach to everything at all times.  However, even though this project was the most expensive in the US, I knew nothing different in the Engineering and Project Management world.  I thought this was normal and would be like the rest of the projects that I would be on.  Twenty years later, I look back and realize that I probably won’t be on such a project again and if one comes around, I probably will treat it a bit different with regards to my appreciation for it.  However, I also remember that I wanted to learn.  I wanted to get the most out of it.  So, I steered towards the people that had been on the project a long time and felt I could learn the most from them.  By definition mentoring is a process for the informal transmission of knowledge and support perceived by the recipient as relevant to work, career or professional development.  Little did I know back then that this would be my first opportunity to have many mentors.  I didn’t know what a mentor was back then.  I guess I thought that a mentor would be someone who would come to me in a graduation cap and gown, sit with me,  teach me the ropes and not let me fail.

Within my first month, I started asking more questions.  I remember sitting in my first large program level meeting and being in awe of the knowledge the team members had.  While I was nervous, I learned quickly that these people… these mentors... were all around me and wanted to help me be all I could be.  That being said, I was very fortunate to have an amazing boss at the time.  His name was Al and while I had no idea at the time what he was to me, looking back he was the first mentor to whom I always found myself turning  when I had questions or concerns and wanted to seek his approval on what I was doing.  

My first recollection of finding out that a 20-something didn’t know-it-all was on a simple task of providing a construction overview schedule for Al for an executive meeting he was going to be attending.  I was so proud of myself.  I was ecstatic that I had completed this task with little or no help and thought what I had done was perfect and required no editing.  Little did I know, that was one of Al’s first tests for me.  I handed over my printout the morning of the meeting thinking I was all set.  Al thanked me and said he would review it.  I thought to myself, “Review it?!… It’s perfect.  It shouldn’t need any review.  It’s ‘good-to-go’”.  About an hour later he called me over to his desk.  He had markings all over it.  The one comment that has stuck with me out of all of the edits was that the coloring that I had chosen was all wrong.  He then explained to me that the executives would think it was too busy and would not be forceful enough for the message that it was portraying.  Now, he didn’t make me feel bad or feel like I failed, but he made suggestions on the basis that I could improve my messaging.  For years after I left that first job, I turned to Al for direction and even approval on my career decisions.  To this day, whenever I provide a dashboard or report I think back to this comment and still try to improve upon my deliverable.

Mentoring can come in all shapes and sizes.  It can occur when you least expect it or when you have signed up for a mentoring program.  Our local PMI Chapter has a great mentoring program of which many people take advantage. When they are done they are so glad they went through it.  Many of the mentors and mentees are first timers.  They also don’t have to be mentors who are perfectly aligned with the mentee’s main line of duties.  I am currently mentoring a handful of supervisors.  I find that while they can run circles around me on many of their day to day responsibilities, I am able to provide them with some guidance, more specifically in the Project Management profession since they have no formal training or formal PM education.  They find out about things that may help  right away or even a year from now, much like Al did for me.

In conclusion, I urge any and all of you to get involved with mentoring, either with your own company, with your PM organization, or even with old colleagues.  Mentoring entails communication which we all know is usually the area of breakdown in most conflicts.