How to Confront an Office Bully

Sad Story ! Well, bullying can get out of limit if not controlled from the beginning as some people has it built in and comes delivered with the package when they are born to bully other besides that it does cost money and lower productivity and causes lots of distractions. I had some employees who were bullying others but at a very low level and then only way to control it is to be strict and warn them. If they did not adhere then fire them because I believe there should be ZERO Tolerance for Bullying. This is a work place not a circus. This is my personal opinion.

Posted: Jan 6, 2016 4:42 PM

Nice post... helping in such situations is really a great effort and highly recommended. Also, it is very important for an individual to know how to handle situations independently when they are being bullied. In some cases "on the spot" negative reactions may even increase the context, and if nobody else is there to support or stop, it is at times better to walk out politely without indulging more into the argument. Later, it is advisable to report to higher management (or people who have authority to take actions)... In this way, we ourselves do not start threatening or getting aggressive or losing control...
A though from personal experience !

Posted: Jan 7, 2016 2:12 AM

Thanks for pointing out the article in HBR. I agree with @Rami that workplaces should have a zero tolerance for bullying and when noticed, it must be handled. I have no personal experience with bullying but have seen individuals who have been bullied and have worked with them to help them address the situation (through mentoring and also helping them have a conversation with some higher up in the organization.)

Posted: Jan 7, 2016 8:41 AM

@Gina: Yes this is the best you can do with people who are being bullied and do you know how much of a serious dilemma can bullying cause a person. It can get to someone so bad and I've seen some cases. This is why my rule of thumb: ZERO Tolerance for Bullying !

Posted: Jan 7, 2016 1:36 PM

Yes Paul, the strategy used was really good. In the story I could see George's leadership skills and his readiness for worst outcome and expectation setting. I like his inner voice and back calculations "“I may lose my job, and if so I will find something else" - this gives comfort and calm when you confront an aggressive counterpart. Recently I wrote similar, but this HBR article was really helpful to imagine the real situation.

Thank you for Post.

Posted: Jan 11, 2016 1:53 PM

Hmmm... that looked a bit too easy. I suspect the story may have been abridged for the sake of conciseness.

I don't doubt the approach used by George was sound. I just find it difficult to believe a single confrontation would have been sufficient to stop what is apparently a lifetime of bullying.

At least, the lessons are there for us to learn from. I just don't want people to think bullying is that easy to fix.

Posted: Feb 1, 2016 8:10 PM

Hi Stephane,

You have a good point - although it is the Harvard Business Journal so it's a very trusted information source. In my experience, it's the approach that is an important tool. Each situation is unique. The best approach is to have a variety of tools to choose from to manage the challenge.

Anything is possible with the right tools!


Posted: Feb 1, 2016 8:45 PM

This is right Paul, anything is possible with the right tools and right approach - Both Combined.

Posted: Feb 2, 2016 2:26 AM

Thanks for the post, Paul. Even if the story is somewhat abridged, I like the fact that the leader intervened. I'm continually challenged by a quote by Dr. Henry Cloud: "You get what you tolerate." Too often we put up with the bully in their many forms because they deliver results. Or they are "too big to fire". Or they're too close to retirement. Or a host of other reasons.

But we get what we tolerate. The article does a nice job of encouraging us to stop tolerating the destructive behavior.

BTW, my favorite voice on this is Bob Sutton. This WSJ article reinforces the impact of a "bad apple":
http://www.wsj.com/articles/SB10001424052970203499704576622550325233260

Paul, thanks again for starting this conversation!

Posted: Feb 2, 2016 12:41 PM

Tell me how do you handle the case when your boss himself is a bully ?
And the boss happens to be near he top of triangle and powerful in the organization.

In such a scenario, some times your report to the still higher management fails to attract remedial action. Onus is thrown back to the bullied person to prove his/her credential. Simply said, you are not believed by the higher authorities or you are urged to correct yourself.

Such situations do occur , even in organizations with a record of more or less good governance.

Organizations worth it''s name must act against any report of such misuse of position by whoever be that person and his/her position. I would be interested to know any published case studies that relates to the above situation.





Posted: Feb 2, 2016 1:27 PM

Sankar, that's a great question. And I can't imagine there's one answer that fits every situation. I suspect there may be some cultural nuances as well that would need to be taken into consideration.

Here are three thoughts:

* I'm sure there are technical definitions of what bullying is, but sometimes we put the label on situations or behaviors that may not be as simple as "that guy is a bully." There's always a reason behind behavior. If you can learn to understand what drives the boss' behavior, you might be able to mitigate it. At the risk of sounding trite, consider looking at your boss as a challenge instead of a bully. What would it take to earn his trust? I only suggest this because the world is filled with tough bosses. Learning how to develop rapport and trust--even with challenging people--is an important skill.

* Mark Goulston has a new book named Talking to Crazy. He has some content in it about dealing with very difficult bosses. I had Mark as a recent guest on our podcast. You can hear him talk about this in his own words here: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/impossible-irrational-people-your-projects-andy-kaufman-pmp-1

* Life is short. If the boss' behavior continues to be tolerated by those above him, you have a decision to make regarding whether or not that's the place you want to spend the best hours of each workday.

Hang in there. Wishing you well,

Andy


Posted: Feb 2, 2016 1:53 PM

Thank you everyone for your insights and appreciation of the complexities of workplace bullying. As you note, this problem sometimes permeates a workplace when the bully is a C-suite executive. There are very clear definitions of workplace bullying and typical behaviors to watch for.

I was a guest on Peter Taylor's pod cast on the topic of project management bullying to be aired this week. You may find it helpful.

I just published a book called - "Workplace Bullying - It's Just Bad for Business". It's available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble.


Posted: Feb 2, 2016 2:04 PM

Andy, Paul, I appreciate your comments and clarifications.

Yet, there is a line that I would like to draw between TOUGH BOSS and a BULLY BOSS.
The line some times may appear thin. But I would not like to circumvent this issue :

Tough Boss : If he wants higher productivity and sets a target of higher excellence and meticulously demands that in a very Objective manner, NO PROBLEM. This toughness has a kind of professional behavior attached . Acceptable. He is not a bully.

But it is definitely NOT acceptable when You meet the target set by the boss, and he/she underplays it all the time DELIBERATELY , never to talk of patting your back , but expressing the mean face , only resorting to the past mistakes as a means of downgrading your achievement and even being racially prejudiced due to your religion or sex . The BOSS does not like you just the way a rogue can't like you , or bullies you because that is his passion ( nature) . His mentality is just like any other roadside or school bully. You want to spare him/her ?

I hope this exemplifies TOUGH boss and a BULLY BOSS .

A bully is a bully - does the characteristics of a bully change depending upon the position. NO.
The means or ways of bullying only change.

Would you like to earn trust of a person who is NOT TRUSTWORTHY himself or herself?
So, your advice to tone down the issue in this manner is not really a good advice.

And why the rigour of treatment to a bully should change just because he/she is the boss.
These are very uncomfortable questions , right ?

And if you have not see a boss bully, you are lucky.
There are many in this world. Wish they don't land up on your plate as a designated boss.

When you tend to suggest , throw the gloves and leave the place : you are basically suggesting that the bully be spared. I did not expect this solution from you , Andy.

I think every organization must have an ethics committee chaired by Key Board members including members from outside the organization. One must have free access to these committee by some established mechanism well published in the organization. Also , all the employees must undergo the orientation programme where it must be made clear the avenues open to employees to address such unethical behavior. The programme must be made a component of corporate governance policy which must be loud and clear : Bullying is not acceptable. Consequences shall be extreme if proven irrespective of his/her role or position.

Well, incidentally, I am fortunate not to have a bad boss of the topic.
But I have seen others suffer mutely. And I resent it that these bullies go Scot free.
It is a subject of good corporate governance which ensures that employees irrespective of his/her role or position remain engaged in their job without violation of their honor.

My whole rambling here is for the right cause .


Posted: Feb 3, 2016 8:59 AM

I REALLY appreciate how you articulated your position, Sankar. We're actually in agreement on most points. I offer no free pass to those who are bullies. My point--and probably not stated that effectively--is that I've had executive coaching clients talk about someone bullying when, according to your definition, they were really just a tough boss.

For bosses who are truly bullies, I would love to think that they'll be corrected or managed out. I'd love to believe there are interventions that work as smoothly as the HBR article--first time!

I'm just not sure that's how the story typically ends. I have to tell you, Sankar, that if someone has a bullying boss and there is little recourse to correct the situation, I see leaving as a very viable option. But I understand that can appear like sparing the bully. At the end of the day, we're responsible for our own lives.

Thank you for sharing your convictions on this so clearly and passionately.

Posted: Feb 3, 2016 9:32 AM

Andy, thanks that you appreciate the cause equally well.

Posted: Feb 3, 2016 10:52 AM

Andy and Sankar - thank you for your great insights and contributions. You clearly appreciate the complexities and reality of boss bullies. Statistically, bosses/supervisors are the bully almost 60% of the time. So - the situation you present happens regularly.

There are many tools that we can use when confronted with these challenges. They have been touched upon in a few of the articles published on PM.com under my profile. Also, the webinars provide more insight (again available on PM.com). As Andy points out, one tool is an exit strategy. Your health is a top priority and if things begin to impact your health, we have to take action.

I intend to write more articles focused on action plans for us to manage when we have a bully boss. In the meantime, my book has detailed tool kits and action plans for anyone impacted. Each is specially focused on your level of influence, type of impact and workplace realities.


Posted: Feb 3, 2016 11:47 AM

I can't wait to read the book, Paul! Let's talk offline about getting you on the People and Projects Podcast. Thank you for sharing your insights!

Posted: Feb 3, 2016 1:03 PM