What Are You Really Afraid Of?

 

Fear is an interesting beast. It can be wildly obvious or it can be sneakily insidious. For the obvious – think running from a bear, or dark creepy parking garages, or in my case, small, innocent little snakes that cause me to freeze for embarrassingly long periods of time. Then swear, and depending on the day… cry. That is primal and obvious fear, and not really what I want to talk to you about today.

I want to talk about the fear that is controlling most of what we do, think, say and feel. This is the insidious fear that we aren’t good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, strong enough etc. etc. These are core beliefs about ourselves that we all have, and we are desperately, wildly, constantly afraid that they are true. We go through life each day protecting ourselves from the possibility of being made to feel what we fear is true about ourselves. Take someone who doesn’t feel smart enough… she will work her ass off to make sure that nobody ever questions her value. She’ll over-prepare, constantly train, work late and go so far above and beyond reproach that nobody would question her intelligence. And yet, she fears. She is so afraid of this happening, that she spends most of her life running from this fear by way of doing everything humanly possible so she isn’t confronted with it.

Take a woman that’s afraid she isn’t lovable. She is so afraid that this is true, that she will take scraps of affection, a glimmer of respect and an ounce of friendship and she will make it enough. She will pretend that this is acceptable so she never has to face her desperate fear that there is something wrong with her… that she is fundamentally unlovable.

How about the man that thinks he is weak. This man may bluff, bluster and bully his way into feeling like he is strong and powerful. His behaviour screams that nothing gets to him, that he is in control, and yet he fears. He fears that under all of that bluster, someone will call him weak.

The most insidious part of this, is that these fears are bullshit. Completely and utterly untrue. They are the beliefs of a child’s brain unable to process logic or rationalize evidence. It’s how our brains work – we create these beliefs as children and then spend the rest of our lives dealing with the fear that they instil.   Read this again. These fears are. not. true. They are patterns and perceptions, but they are not truth.

So what are you really afraid of? I can tell you that I was afraid someone in my corporate jobs would realize that I was just a silly small town girl who bluffed her way through the day. I was afraid they would see how scared I was – because fear was weakness and to let someone see it? Well, shit, now you should be ashamed of yourself. And still, none of that is true. Not one single part of it. I am smart. I am strong. I am capable. I am loved.

And so are you. These are stories we have been telling ourselves, and it is way past time that we take a hard look and call ourselves out on this crap. They are just stories – re-write the pages. Re-write the plot, the climax, the ending … it’s your story and your choice.

Please don’t live out of fear. Live out of passion, love, joy, excitement… anything but fear. Fear isn’t true – so find something that is, and live from there.

Wishing you truth, success and happiness on your path to finding fearless.

Deb