When Feeling Like a Kid Isn't a Good Thing

 

Our brains are pretty incredible. They keep us safe by guiding our behaviour based on experiences. Our behaviour becomes a pattern that we unconsciously play out our whole lives. This is really great for the safety factor – after all, our thinking has kept us alive until now. What it’s not so good for, is breaking a pattern because it doesn’t differentiate patterns that are good for us vs. patterns that aren’t. Many of the beliefs we formed about ourselves happened between the ages of 1 – 8 years old. This is before our brains are capable of logical thought. These are not the beliefs that we want guiding our lives.

My 5 year old self thought she was stupid because she was a day-dreamer, which translated into a small being that wasn’t paying attention to other humans. That was often interpreted as “not being very bright”. You’ve seen this happen right? A kid in a store gets that exasperated sigh and angry look from Mom or Dad because they aren’t paying attention? Don’t get me wrong, as a parent it is exasperating…but as a child, I interpreted that sign as “I am stupid”. No judgement or blame here, that is how I (and a lot of other kids too) interpreted that expression and sound.

Now, my 37 year old self has had a lot of proof that I am not, in fact, stupid (I also don’t like to use that word, but it’s what my 5 year old self used).  Know how I knew that “I am stupid” was one of my core beliefs from childhood?  Because almost nothing else pissed me off more than feeling stupid as an adult. Red flag right there. My feelings were such an over-reaction to the situation that I had to figure out why.  I didn’t want to be reduced to tears or rage when someone questioned my work, or judgement, or opinion.  But that is what would happen, because those questions triggered my belief that I was stupid.  So I worked on it through EFT (tapping), paying attention to my reactions and making conscious choices about my behaviour.  Awareness is the first step, so give this a try:

1)  Recognize that your reaction is a pattern that has kept you safe to date.  So don’t be upset with it, just observe your feelings and try not to judge.

2)  Keep asking yourself “why does this bother me?” until you end up with an answer that has “I am” in it.  That is where the power of a belief lies, because “I am” is about the core of you.

3)  Congratulate yourself on your amazing detective work in discovering one of your core beliefs from childhood.  Just notice your feelings and reactions for now.  This is empowering awareness.

Beliefs can be changed. Not without awareness, and not without work, but they can be. For me, my belief that “I am stupid” has been worked through, and in its place I now believe “I am valuable”. That shift impacts my happiness, my relationships, and my fundamental success, because I no longer operate from a 5 year old’s perspective. Our negative beliefs are one of the rare times that feeling like a kid is NOT necessarily in your best interest.