I Have to Come First – It’s Not Selfish, It’s Mandatory

 

There are two parts of this knowledge that I rejected for quite a while.  The first was that to come first was selfish.  It was the opposite of what I was “trained” to do. Others’ thoughts, feelings and needs come first, and my needs would be met by meeting theirs.  I was supposed to be happy because I had “helped” others. For a while, I really was. At work I supported, re-arranged, put out fires, etc., to keep my team happy.  At home I gave, and gave, and gave. After a while I simply had nothing left to give. I now know that it’s because you have to fill your own “cup” back up in order to keep pouring for others.

The second part that I rejected instinctively was that to put me first meant I had to think about me. I was overwhelmed by my need NOT to do this. Self-reflection is hard. Taking action based on what you learn about yourself is even harder. Now you know that you are letting others walk all over you.  Now you know that you are sad, lonely, angry, resentful, etc., and you can’t shut it off.  Why would I want to do that to myself?

The answer is simple. If I don’t I run out of all of the good stuff about me. The caring. The empathy. The giving. All gone. It gets replaced with all of the negative feelings that used to be safely insulated by the good ones. So here is a list of reasons to put yourself first – in catchy quotes. 😊

1. You can’t pour from an empty cup.
2. We teach people how to treat us.
3. The only person we are guaranteed to spend forever with is ourselves – take care of him/her.
4. The best in people comes out when they are loved, respected and honoured – this means you too!
5. Your energy introduces you before you speak when you enter a room. Shine bright and others will respond with their best selves too.

Whether you take care of your family, lead others at work, or care for others as your profession, you HAVE to come first. Chances are very good that if you suffer from anxiety, or overwhelm, or consistently angry thoughts, it’s because you aren’t taking care of you. The world needs your best self, please be selfish enough to give it to them.