Do You Have a Happiness and Success Ceiling?

 

I’m reading “The Big Leap” by Gay Hendricks right now and I love what I’m reading.  It is a fantastic complement to our work on moving past Imposter Syndrome.  Here is my biggest take-away so far… we all have upper limits of happiness and success that when reached, quickly shove us back down to our comfort zone.  For most of us, our comfort zones unfortunately involve a lot of self-criticism, feelings of failure, and beliefs that we don’t measure up (hallmarks of Imposter Syndrome).  This ceiling shows up in both our personal and professional lives.

I’m going to re-name comfort zone, to zone of mediocrity, because that is what this zone really means for us.  The fact that we are comfortable here is not something to be particularly proud of… it’s just a fact.  We are sort of happy, sort of successful, sort of grateful, sort of…  Ugh.  I don’t know about you personally, but for me, much of my work has come from being pretty sick and tired of feeling and being “sort of”.

Here are some behaviours to pay attention to that keep us mediocre and “sort of”:

• Worrying – I had not considered that worrying is a way to retreat from the good that is happening.  I knew it wasn’t useful, I just didn’t know it was a direct mechanism I used for moving away from happiness.  If you are always “waiting for the other shoe to drop”, please just stop and try to hold on to the great thing that just happened.

• Blame and criticism – I thought this was just a bad habit… huh.  Energetically, it is a way to pull yourself back down to mediocre and quickly shift happy, joyful feelings, to negative feelings that we are used to.

• Getting sick or hurt – I always thought I got sick when I was run-down.  But now that I think about it, I would consistently get sick when an exam was done, or a big project finished.  My logic said I was just tired, but the reality is that something big, happy and great had just happened.

• Squabbling – Ever had an intense, happy connection with a person and then start finding their flaws or something to make them less great?  Or, naturally cause an argument over something insignificant?   It’s a way of bringing your energy back to just you where it feels safe.

• Hiding significant feelings – I think this is common training for most of us.  Don’t cry.  Get over it.  Distract yourself.  Forget about it.  Don’t be silly.  Calm down.  All of these sayings are meant to move you away from significant feelings.  The thing to remember here is that your system doesn’t differentiate between good and bad… it only recognizes what is outside of your zone of mediocrity.  So if you “hide” from the bad, you will also instinctively “hide” from the good.  Feel the feelings.

• Breaking agreements – An interesting one for sure.  For me, the agreement is almost always with myself and speaks to integrity.  A prime example… creating a new habit that feels amazing.  Then I stop.  Just like that, I stop.  Now I understand it is because the new habit is making me feel so good that I need to get back to my zone of mediocrity, and the quickest way back to that zone is to stop the new habit.  For all of you that think you don’t have will-power or follow-through, seriously consider this one.

• Not speaking your truth – This is hard, but energetically your truth is a very high vibration. By not speaking it, by not allowing your vulnerability to show through your truth, you are absolutely moving away from authentic happiness and success.

• Deflecting – The easiest way to decide if this one impacts you is how you react to a compliment.  Can you genuinely take it in and allow yourself to be proud of your capabilities?  Or, do you brush it off as lucky, or a team effort, or no big deal?  Deflection keeps you from feeling those really great compliments because they are outside the zone.

As a chunk of the world celebrates this holiday season… pay attention to how much joy you are allowing yourself.  Better yet – pay attention to all of the times you feel great feelings, and then watch for how you move away from them.  Watch your patterns and the scenarios you create to keep yourself comfortable.  This is an amazing time of year to learn, grow, and if you are really dedicated, to smash that success ceiling so that you can experience true and lasting peace, happiness, joy and success.

I wish you the bravery to pay attention, the dedication to create new habits, and the wild happiness and success that is on the other side!

Deb