Authentic Success

He said the words.  The ones designed to hit at the heart of my self-worth.  “You aren’t worth what I’m paying you.”  I felt like a cartoon character that had all of the oxygen sucked out of the room - I could hardly breathe. 

I left that discussion hurt, angry and ashamed.  I spent two-weeks hiding out with those words playing in a constant mocking loop … “you aren’t worth what I’m paying you.  You aren’t worth…”  It was the single biggest blow to my professional ego (and personal belief system) that I have experienced.  And it taught me a priceless lesson that it took me a while to really understand.

At the time, my logical brain knew the ploy for what it was.  After all, I am a quick study and recognized it for the manipulative tactic that I has seen used to control groups for years.  Yet I still questioned my efficiency, effectiveness and my very value.  I had no quick pithy reply (which I regret to this day), but I was simply stunned.  Isn’t this man my mentor grooming me for partnership?  Isn’t this the man that I have worked 14 hour days, 6 days a week for?  Isn’t this the man that I have worked endlessly to impress?  The answer is yes to all of the above.  He was also the man well-versed and talented at tactical manipulation.  And for a while, I fell for it because I made it personal… and frankly, part of me believed him. 

That conversation showed me that I had been wearing a confident mask for years.  Not a truly confident, authentic face, but a well-built mask.  It showed me in technicolour, that all it took was one nasty, manipulative conversation for me to question everything about myself.  That conversation ripped of that tightly woven mask, and made me realize that I didn’t truly believe in my own value.  Not when questioned.  Not when it counted.  Not when I needed to be able to pull the long list of valuable assets out of my steel encased holder, and get real about what I bring to the table.

The true lessons I learned were:

• I had to dig deep and feel, know and believe that he was unequivocally, unquestionably and absolutely wrong. 
• I had to find a way to own that I was, and am, an extremely valuable asset to any organization. 
• I had to redefine my beliefs to shout; I am smart, capable, creative and a rock star of a problem-solver. 
• I had to understand, at a very personal level, that I am worth every single dollar I was paid.
• I had to accept that if I don’t own my value, nobody else will respect it.

Stand firm in your power.  When something feels personal – realize there is personal work to do around those feelings.  Accept that until you resolutely believe that you are a powerhouse in your own right – you will be challenged.  Know that when that happens, it is a gift, a sign-post pointing you straight to your next level of confidence and success.  Don’t hide from it.  Dig in and do the work so that you can feel as successful on the inside as you appear to others on the outside. 

If those words were ever said to me again, my authentic response will be “You’re right, I am worth at least double, so let’s talk numbers.” 

Statistically speaking, 70% of the people in your organization suffer Imposter Syndrome symptoms.  That means that they spend a portion of their energy, wearing a protective mask designed to prevent the world around them from seeing their vulnerabilities.  It means that you aren’t getting the best of them.

Project Management for me has always equally been about managing the people on your team, as it is about the process you follow.  These folks have talents, struggles, personal lives and the ability to make or break your project.  By learning about, and applying the knowledge of Imposter Syndrome to your team, you will:

• Create a depth of understanding about work styles, behaviour, motivation and communication techniques;
• Be able to support your team to take off the mask while working with you so that they can focus all of their energy on creating amazing outcomes; and
• Become the kind of leader and manager that inspires, motivates and builds lasting, meaningful peer relationships.

It’s not a soft skill – it’s a necessary one.  It is as complex as any technical aspect of your project, and just as worthy of your attention and commitment.

This blog will deliver content, examples, strategies and research on Imposter Syndrome because it has become my company’s entire focus of attention and commitment. I hope you enjoy it, learn from it, are challenged by it, and engage about it whenever you can! For more information at any time, visit:

www.lovingwarriorwomencoaching.com