Transformation & Leadership - Insider Tips

Why?

Well, as we start one of these sessions, we are always transitioning from whatever we were doing just before to this session now. This moment now. Project managers make these transitions all the time. From meeting to meeting, stakeholder to stakeholder, project to project, task to task.

Maybe we were arguing with our significant other, trying to persuade the kids to tidy up, discussing a challenging project issue with the team or delivering bad – or good – news to our stakeholders. Maybe we were relaxing watching a movie, listening to music, reading or meditating. 

Whatever we were doing, switching our focus to the new activity takes time, energy and focus.

We always start with a few deep breaths and this check in.

Wheel of Emotions – Robert Plutchik (wikicommons)

Step 1: Settle comfortably and take three deep breaths. Breath in to a count of three and then out to a count of five.

Step 2: take 30-60 seconds to scan Plutchik’s Wheel for emotions that you recognize you are feeling in this moment. Make a note of them.

Step 3: explore for more – these are just a few of the possible emotions. See what else you notice.

Step 4: explore for even more – look out for noticing more than one or two emotions (they usually travel in groups!) and be open to spotting conflicting emotions. For example, I remember feeling tremendous sorry at the loss of a beloved dog a year ago but I could still feel excitement about a fun new project or fascination for some new information. Although the emotions seem mutually exclusive they live side by side. And more, sometimes it is conflicting emotions about the same event (or person). I can feel love for my significant other and annoyance. I am excited to give presentations and I am apprehensive…

As I mentioned we do this at every group coaching session – at the start and the end. The outcome is always remarkable.

Yes, always.

Here are some examples:

Picture 1 is the selection of emotions a group of 16 people identified at the start of a 90 minute group coaching session.

Picture 2 is the selection by the same group at the end of the 90 minute group coaching session. 

The obvious conclusion is that we focused on emotions and worked on changing them. But we didn’t. We worked on seeing our own character strengths and exploring how they can help us in our day-to-day life.

Here is an example with a different group.

Picture 1 is at the start… 

Picture 2 is 90 minutes later.

So, what does this tell us?

1. Emotions come and go – without us even trying to change them.
2. Our mood changes when we focus on something.
3. Nothing lasts forever (not even negative or positive emotions). This too shall pass.
4. It is possible to change our mood without dwelling on it.
5. And based on feedback, attendees are often surprised and even relieved to find that something as simple as a group coaching session or a webinar was all it took to change their mood. 

Check in. Select your focus. Check back.

What will you focus on?

Reference: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Plutchik-wheel.svg

Feature Photo by Tengyart on Unsplash

Who knew when I selected this topic that 2020 would be the proverbial project from hell for nearly everyone? Just making it from the start of the year to the end has been an insurmountable challenge for too many people around the world.

For those who have survived – and for the few who even feel they have thrived – this article considers which of the Character Strengths have been most prevalent this year.

Two of the generally lowest ranked (on average) character strengths in the world are prudence (the planning strength) and self-regulation[1]. Across the world, prudence is only rated as a signature strength by 10 – 20% of the population and self-regulation as a signature strength by less than 5% of the population[2].

This year though, our safety and well-being have depended on these two strengths – among many – to get us through. Tasks that were straightforward for some of us – such as picking up groceries – have become major projects with planning and execution strategies like never before even for the most privileged amongst us. Those of us who used to be able to “pop to the store,” to collect a missing ingredient or to top up supplies of a household staple now have to plan more carefully – who will go where, when and what do they need to be safe?

Self-regulation which is what helps us to ensure that we put a mask on EVERY time we encounter someone from outside the household and not just some of the time, has been engaged by most of us to a much greater extent than in the past.

Low strengths for me too

Prudence and Self-regulation are nowhere near my top strengths either. To boost those strengths, my focus has been on Kindness and Social Intelligence, Teamwork and Leadership. I want to be as responsible as I can be for those I come into contact with – I don’t want others to be put at risk because I am not mindful of my practices. I cannot expect others to mask up if I don’t. I cannot expect others to practice self-care if I don’t do the same.

While planning (yes, I know, I am a project manager! How can planning be a challenge?) and self-regulation are not strengths I feel I can depend on day in and day out, being aware of the safety and needs of others is something I can always do.

Which brings me to surviving tough projects through our strengths.

It is a common question from workshop participants and coaching clients to ask “what are the best strengths to cultivate to be a leader? a good project manager? The best parent?”

The answer I always give is “your top strengths used optimally” and recently I have added that cultivating optimal use of others’ strengths is also a great skill.

When we engage the top character strengths of others, we know that they are likely to more engaged, more loyal and committed, make fewer errors and get more done!

It can seem very hard to do. We are not used to highlighting the strengths of others. In the west at least, our focus tends to be on what is wrong and not what is strong.

This is where the SEA method comes into play. Have a list of strengths you want to be on the look out for. There are many lists out on the internet. My personal favorite comes from the VIA Institute on Character. Their list of 24 character strengths is a common language we can all use and recognize to appreciate the strengths in ourselves and others. It is evidence-based and has been the focus of over 500 studies worldwide.

For example, the wisdom strengths of Creativity, Curiosity, Judgment, Love of Learning and Perspective, or the humanity strengths of Kindness, Love and Social Intelligence are all concepts we tend to understand.

(From the VIA Institute on Character 2020)

Then you use any opportunity – a family dinner, a work meeting on ZOOM/phone/in person, a movie night – to do the following three steps:

1. Spot the character strength
2. Explain the behavior that demonstrated that strength
3. Appreciate the strength with specific feedback on why it makes a difference.

A couple of tips:

1. Don’t worry about getting it wrong – if you SEA it then the recipient of the feedback is most likely to respond positively.
2. Make it a habit for a week to do this for one person each day and see what happens. This is a great time of year to use this approach to help boost the confidence of others and boost your own mood!

Good comes from not so good

Although this year has been stressful, unpredictable and downright unmanageable for some of us, there have been bright spots. For me personally, the most wonderful thing to come out of 2020 would have been wonderful in any year. In 2020, we launched our In It Together Coaching program – Navigating Challenges through Strengths in association with the North Carolina (NCPMI) and NC-Triad (PMI-Triad) chapters of PMI. 

13 coaches have come together to create the program and two PMI chapters – NCPMI and PM-NC-TRIAD – are helping us to get the word out to project managers that support is here. It started when a few of us came together in March to share a pro-bono program for project managers suddenly faced with living at work (because they were working from home) as well as supporting family schooling, isolated parents and more. The world seemed to turn on its head and in that moment our team came together.

And here is our In It Together VIA character strengths profile:

Signature strengths are those strengths generally at the top of our profile that are at our core – they are essential, energizing and effortless in their display and execution. We can hardly help but express our signature strengths in almost all that we do. Mine for example are appreciation of beauty, bravery, curiosity, fairness, and gratitude.

The wonder of our team is created by both the top strengths we share – love of learning, gratitude, spirituality - as they provide a bond and common ground, balanced with those top strengths that we might miss out on if we did not team up with others.

The other wonder is the authentic appreciation we have for those in the group who are like us and those who are not. We learn a lot from each other about different values, lived experiences and points of view.

As one of our coaches says, “you may not like what you hear from me, but there is sure to be someone in the group who speaks to you in a way that is meaningful to you”.

We are fortunate to have two team members who are high in what I call the “2020 strengths of the year,” self-regulation and prudence. Not only do they contribute those special and relatively rare ingredients to the team, their families and their communities; they also model behavior that may not come naturally to the rest of us.

As we stride or tumble headlong into 2021 which is in itself a project full of uncertainty, look around you.

• Who is on your team?
• What strengths do they bring to the table?
• What strengths do you share?
• How can they support you?
• And how can you support them?

I feel that the team around me is the secret to navigating the new year in a fruitful and positive way. That at the end of 2021 I will still be alive and kicking!

How about you?

[1] McGrath, Robert. (2014). Character strengths in 75 nations: An update. The Journal of Positive Psychology. 10. 41-52. 10.1080/17439760.2014.888580.

[2] McGrath, R. E. (2017). Technical report: The VIA Assessment Suite for Adults: Development and initial evaluation. Cincinnati, OH: VIA Institute on Character.

Perspective <> knowledge

I remember as a small child traveling on the bus with my grandmother. She was old and looked wise and knowledgeable. People would ask her, “Can you tell me how to get to… [fill in the desired destination]?”

The truth was that she really stayed in a very small area of the town in England where she lived. But rather than say “I am sorry, I don’t know” she would say, shaking her head from side to side sadly, “Oh, you can’t get there from here”.

I would go home and tell my father the sorry tale and he would smile indulgently at my grandmother and then show me on a printed map of the town where the aforementioned location was in relation to where we had been. I learned to read maps that way.

In this case, “you can’t get there from here” was shorthand for, “I cannot help you.” Or, more accurately, “I cannot get you there from here.”

My grandmother’s perspective was that if she did not know the answer there was no answer.

Perspective + Judgment < Perspective + Curiosity

Twenty years later I was a student at Bath University in England, and I was walking in town. Bath is built in the hollow between seven hills and the traffic system was, at the time, well, a little confusing.  A car pulled up and the driver rolled down the window and he asked, “can you tell me how to get to the Theatre Royal?” I looked across the pedestrian precinct directly at the theater and found myself saying, “Oh you can’t get there from here, not by car anyway.”

Needless to say, the driver looked bemused and slightly irritated. I suggested that he park right where he was and walk to the theater. But he explained that he was collecting his elderly mother from the matinée and she could not walk far.

I went on to explain that although the theatre was less than 50 yards away from where he was talking to me, the route to get a CAR to the theatre was laborious to say the least. He would actually have to drive out of town, take a major highway around the outside of town, come in from the opposite side, navigate the one-way system, before he would end up outside the theater. A three-minute walk was going to turn into a 15- to 20-minute drive.

In this case, “you can’t get there from here” meant “you can get there from here, but is it really worth the effort?”

Assessing whether the effort is worth the result depends on perspective. My perspective was it was not worth the drive. His perspective was, “I have no choice because of other constraints”.

I made a judgment without gathering all the facts. With some curiosity I could have discovered that there was more to the story.

Perspective + curiosity + teamwork -> a new reality

Later I became a project manager and the second project I was assigned to was to evaluate the efficacy of a particular IT project that was being implemented in London and whether that IT solution should be rolled out to the New York branch of our bank.

When I arrived in the office, I was given a ‘guided tour” of the software. It had been sold to the bank as “totally configurable”. To this day those words give me chills – and not in a good way. That is, every switch, option, combination of fields, process etc. could be switched on and off based on the needs of the consumer.

If you have ever gathered business requirements from consumers/users, you will understand that it is very difficult to imagine what could be. As Henry Ford famously said, “If I had asked people what they wanted, they would have said faster horses.” It is really rare and really difficult to imagine something that might get you to an end result in a totally different – and more efficient – way than the method you are currently using.

Destination vs route to get there.

For example, one of the staff at the bank “needed” to have trade confirmations and matching addressed envelopes printed off so that he could stuff the envelopes and mail out the confirmations at the end of the day. When he asked how that would be set up in the system, they confirmed that they could link to the print room and do exactly what he asked.

After the set-up had been completed, his supervisor came to see how testing was going and was dismayed to discover that the system had been set up to use the old-style printing rather than a tri-fold confirmation/envelope printout that could be folded and sealed by the spiffy new printer in the printer room. He had conflated the end result with the route – what was needed was a trade confirmation in the hands of the customer within a given timeframe.

When asked whether the system could be reconfigured to use the new process, the software vendor said, “you can’t change it now”. (I.e., we cannot get there from here!)

Had we had a map, been curious about the destinations we want to reach (i.e., outcomes needed) instead of the routes to get there, had we had an expert guide, and had we worked as a team, that IT system implementation could have been a game changer for the bank. Instead, it was a very expensive, overwhelmingly daunting system. We ultimately came to the conclusion that WE could not get there from here. We did not have the resources, the expertise, the vision or even the real need to change our existing processes. It was the most expensive journey to nowhere that I have ever traveled.

Three questions to help gain better perspective:

1. Who has already been where I want to go?
2. What questions should I be asking to uncover the most effective route?
3. Who do I/we need to help me/us?

Photo by Santi Vedrí on Unsplash

Jo works in education in the U.K. Her signature character strengths are Fairness, Humor, Judgment, Social Intelligence and Prudence. Her lesser strengths – on a typical day – are Gratitude, Hope, Spirituality, Appreciation and Self-Regulation.

As schools close their doors during this crisis, and families face the challenge of being at home, reduced income and still giving their children an education, she and her colleagues are working tirelessly to create a consistent learning environment.

When asked how things are going, she said, “I have never worked as hard in my life!” Between work commitments, juggling a family of six people stuck in the house, managing updates, checking in on family and friends, it is a whirlwind of calls, texts, emails … So, I asked her how strengths help:

1. TEAMWORK & GRATITUDE: “The family has realized that we are in this together. It is not perfect, and we have our moments of frustration, but for the most part everyone is focused on doing their part to make all of this work. I am so grateful that we are being mutually supportive – at home and at work – and that everyone has a “can do” attitude.”
2. SELF-REGULATION: “We are keeping to a regular schedule, getting up at the normal time, dressing for school and work as usual – YES that means wearing school uniform. There is so much chaos and confusion and it is easy to be swept along in “what ifs” and catastrophic thinking. I keep asking the question, “What is one thing we can do now?” This helps me and my family stay focused on what is possible, and what is happening in this moment and not to dwell too much on what might – or might not - be coming next.”
3. LEADERSHIP and PERSPECTIVE: “the decisions I am making at home and at work have an impact on many people. My concern is not just for family and friends. I am concerned about the students from my schools, their families and their friends. I am privileged to be able to do more than most to make this process less bewildering and more manageable than it would otherwise be.”
4. PRUDENCE & CURIOSITY: “We have a plan that guides us day-to-day and we make any adjustments as needed. Noone has all the answers in this situation, so we learn as we go and look to each other for ideas and suggestions. There are lots of questions such as “how else might we do this?” and “What do we need in this moment?” and “What is one step we can take that will make things a little better right now?” So far, we have set up an obstacle course in the living room to make sure we all get exercise – we time each other. We are holding a competition to see who can make dinner out of the most unlikely ingredients. We even played hide and seek – something we have not done since the kids were small!
5. PRUDENCE II: I have also realized how important it is that I plan time for me to read, crochet and exercise (even when I don’t feel like it!) Without taking care of myself, I cannot help anyone else.
6. SOCIAL INTELLIGENCE, FAIRNESS, HONESTY and KINDNESS: “I speak to each of my team every day for a few minutes, and I make sure that each of our children has alone time with us so they can express their concerns and fears. It gets tiring sometimes and at the same time focusing on others is helping me to feel more hopeful and helpful! Honesty and consistency are the key to getting through this. There is no point in pretending that it is all sunshine and roses and by the same token it does not help to sit and wring our hands. One surprise has been that people who are often anxious about small things are suddenly handling a real crisis brilliantly!”
7. HOPE and LOVE: “As I watch my team and my family come together to make it through this challenging time I am filled with HOPE, and LOVE. The creativity of the people around me makes me appreciate them so much, the perseverance of everyone is inspiring, the way people are pulling together for the greater good is uplifting, and I am energized by being able to help others who matter to me.”
8. HUMOR: “When all else fails, humor and play are big ones for us. As Viktor Frankl said, “I never would have made it if I could not have laughed. It lifted me momentarily out of this horrible situation, just enough to make it livable.”

Of the first three strengths Jo named, two were lesser strengths for her. We may believe that our lesser strengths are inaccessible or absent. Tips for coping:

1. All strengths count – even lesser strengths.
2. Mindful strengths use brings out our best.
3. Using our signature strengths to bolster our lesser strengths helps us to maintain energy.

Photo by Frank Busch on Unsplash

” To lead people, walk beside them…” Lao Tzu

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

One of the questions I am frequently asked is, “what is the best character strengths profile for a…?” (fill in the blank)

And most often groups fill in the blank with “leader”.

“What is the best character strengths profile for a leader?”

This question is often prompted by the discovery that the character strength of Leadership (encouraging a group to get things done and organizing group activities) is not one of their top strengths, and they start to think leadership is not for them!

My answer is always the same… “It is your strengths profile used well”.

What does that mean though?

Understanding your Character Strengths Profile

1. Signature strengths – these are the strengths that you generally find toward the top of you character strengths profile. We have around 5-7 signature strengths. They are our go-to strengths = the ones that show up for us wherever we are, whatever we are doing and pretty much whoever we are with. We characterize them with the three Es – they are essential, effortless, and energizing. The upside of that is that they are dependable. We can call on them at any time. At the same time, if you have ever heard someone dismiss another’s ideas without really listening, or asking so many questions the other person becomes uncomfortable, or cracking a nervous joke when solemnity is called for, then you have already experienced what can happen with our signature strengths – we can lean on them too much, we can overdo them. Getting the balance right is the true mark of a leader because it is contextual. That is, whether they feel overused to another person DOES depend on the context, who we are with, what we are doing, what the purpose of our interaction is.

Strengths optimization and adjustment is the key – and great leaders are able to leverage their top strengths with sensitivity knowing when to ramp them up, when to dial them back and when to sprinkle in a teaspoon of a lower strength with mindfulness and deliberation.

2. Middle strengths – these are the supporting actors in your cast of characters. Not as prominent or as dominant as your signature strengths, they are nevertheless available to you as a complement to your main players – the signature strengths. Sometimes they are boosting those top strengths, other times they are tempering them. Although these strengths may not feel as invigorating, being able to call on them when we need them is a characteristic of good leaders. And if we are struggling to call on our own middle strength, think about a collaboration – look around and spot the character strengths around you. Maybe a colleague seems to be able to read other people really well and anticipate their reactions to different messages (social intelligence) – sit down with them and explore options for delivering a message or constructing a group/team meeting. Or maybe you are noticing that the team seems a little down and burned out. Look for the people are future oriented and believe and see the steps to ensure that the vision of the future will be accomplished (Hope), or maybe there is that person who just seems to be full of enthusiasm and it you’ve noticed that they seem to be able to spread the joy without apparently trying (Zest). Work with those people to build energy in the team.
3. Lesser strengths – many people confuse the last four or five strengths in their character strengths profile with weaknesses. First of all, the assessment does not measure weaknesses. The foundation of character strengths theory is that the 24 character strengths are universal, and that we all have the capacity for all 24 – even if engaging them is a stretch. As an example, Self-regulation (self-control) and Prudence (the planning with grounded caution strength) are two of the strengths most often ranked toward the bottom of the character strengths profile. (An exception appears to be Prudence in project managers! You can read more about that here: https://www.projectmanagement.com/blog-post/47971/5-ways-to-be-a-strong---and-socially-intelligent---project-manager)

Character Strengths Use Fatigue

Photo by Cristian Newman on Unsplash

And what about strengths fatigue? What does that look and feel like?

What happens when we have to use strengths that are lower in the ranking for us? Well, unsurprisingly, it is tiring. In the last few months many people have been suffering Prudence and Self-Regulation fatigue. The pandemic has meant that some things we take for granted if we are fortunate – shopping at the store – are now taking a lot more planning. Planning requires Prudence. Wearing a mask around others for their safety – even though it may feel uncomfortable – uses self-regulation (at least until we create a habit). That is why it is important to be consistent with things like wearing a mask. If we do it for ALL social situations, it starts to use less self-regulation. We use self-regulation more when we are constantly making decisions about “is this a situation where a mask is appropriate?” and “is this a situation where a mask is unnecessary?”

I have noticed this in friends. One or two of them are blessed with self-regulation as a top strength – yes, they are unicorns! – and they did not find it hard at the start to have masks in their car, by the front door etc. (at least not once they had found masks!). One or two others have Kindness as a top strength and these people used that kindness – manifested as a concern for the health and well-being of others – to groove in a habit of go to the door, put on a mask, pick up the car keys, put on a mask and so on. Although their self-regulation was not high, they were able to use other strengths to build a desirable habit.

And what about Bravery fatigue? Bravery is a strength that is about feeling apprehension, anxiety and fear and doing something anyway. There are three types of bravery[i]. There is physical bravery – the type that involves running into a physically threatening situation. This could be stepping in when there appears to be a physical threat to someone, saving someone from an accident or fire. What comes to mind for you?

There is psychological bravery – feeling apprehension and fear and taking a difficult step – this might be accepting stage fright and speaking at a conference or giving the most important workplace presentation. What have you experienced?

There is moral bravery which is speaking up for what is morally right even when confronted with push back. We are seeing a lot of that at the moment in the US as we confront our history and our present. It can be something like pointing out that a project no longer makes sense, or that the short-term benefit of a project is at the expense of a long-term detriment, or to call out unfair work practices. How does moral bravery impact you?

In our day-to-day, during Covid-19 we have all to keep leaning on bravery, it is exhausting and there are so many ways in which we are having to engage bravery at the moment. Another interesting tidbit of information is that bravery is very rare as a signature strength (see above). In fact, it tends to rank quite low in most profiles – 18 or 19 is pretty common.[ii]

As we embark on the next months and years of challenge and change, how will you embrace it?

Leading from Who and How You Are - Being and Doing

As a leader, what are the options? Consider these five questions. Journal about them. Discuss with others and get their perspective. Two heads are better than one (and many diverse heads are better than two!)

1. Know your own strengths well – explore them, understand how they work for you and even against you or others.
2. Start seeing strengths in others – what is at their core? What motivates them?
3. How do your strengths and theirs complement each other?
4. How do your strengths and theirs contribute to conflict?
5. How can you as a leader – of yourself or others – engage the enormous strengths of your community?

When you begin to answer these five questions, you start to increase your value as a leader because:

“You can be the lead in your own life.” –  Kerry Washington

[i] Niemiec, Ryan M., and Robert E. McGrath. The Power of Character Strengths: Appreciate and Ignite Your Positive Personality. VIA Institute on Character, 2019.

[ii] Robert E. McGrath (2014): Character strengths in 75 nations: An update, The Journal of Positive Psychology: Dedicating to furthering research and promoting good practice.